AUTOBIOGRAPHY ELDER EPHRAIM RITTENHOUSE 4...

PART IV.Kingwood, 
N. J., Sept. 20, 1848.

DEAR BROTHER: – Having long halted between those opinions, still clinging to the world, and feeling at times unwilling to give it up, unwilling to sacrifice the honors and pleasure of this life, to lose my reputation, and have my name cast out as evil for the sake of Christ, from this time forward the case became decided, I ceased to enjoy the things of this world, and the society of my former companions;the vanities and follies in which they delighted had altogether lost their charms with me, and I now longed after the society and fellowship of the people of God.


I questioned my right to associate with them, and consequently dwelt in a measure alone, not enjoying the company of any body. I began to feel a great increasing anxiety to be united with the society, but if this be forever denied me, I must remain alone, for I can not go back. About this time also, I found myself resting upon the promises, and enjoying a comfortable hope in Christ. I cannot point out any one time, or circumstance, it seemed to be so gradual, that I was hardly aware of the change. But, from a long season of toil, I was now at rest.The promises of the gospel seemed to point out my character, and I received comfort and consolation therefrom. Instead of condemning me as formerly, and speaking comforting only to others, the scriptures now, in the subject of the promises, so clearly set forth and described my character and exercises, that I could receive them, and rest upon them. The name of Jesus had a sweetness and preciousness in it; it was to me a name above every name. This word that formerly was unimportant,and that I could slight and disregard, neglect its precepts, and hearken to none of its threatenings, or in short that I did not believe; now became to me a different book: it was not the word of the Lord, the language of him that speaketh from heaven. Whether it were precept or promise, I could rely upon it as divine testimony, as the language of him that cannot lie. Perhaps I realized something of what it is, to “tremble at his word.” Now it was that after every refuge had failed me, all my exertions proved abortive, and my hope ended in disappointment; the word of the Lord alone was sufficient for me: so that when he pointed out my character, and bid me trust in him, and rely upon his salvation; I found myself believing it, receiving it, even almost before I was aware; and that, ceasing from my own works, I was enjoying a repose in him, to which before I had been a stranger. I now read, in the exercises of the saints of old, much of my own. The Psalms of David seemed to speak the very language of my own heart, and enter into my feelings and desires, fuller and clearer than I could relate them myself. All These things however were far from satisfying me, they did not amount to what I had been looking for, and I could not conceive that they amounted to a christian experience. It still remained, and forever must remain, “The sinner must be born again.” I could not for a moment believe that the things of which I have spoken constituted, or would amount to the new birth.

I reviewed them again and again, in order to a just conception of my privilege and duty, and that I might not be mistaken, but they appeared trifling and of little importance in comparison with a “deliverance from the power of darkness, and translation into the kingdom of God’s dear Son.” While I thus reasoned with myself, it was said unto me, “Whether is easier to say, thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?” From this I was shown, that the spirit was not confined to method in his teachings, and that if I had been given strength and hope sufficient to “Arise and walk” I had reason to be satisfied, and to rejoice therein, as much as if it had come in the way I had been looking for.

I continued however, to seek for more and brighter evidence, but I did not receive any more as formerly, but instead thereof, I met with reproaches for my unbelief and hardness of heart. At one time when an opportunity offered to go before the church, and others were going, these words were forcibly pressed upon me, “Be not faithless but believing.” At another time I was reproved in this way, “O fools and slow of heart to believe.” My anxiety increased all the while to name the name of Christ, and share with his followers the reproaches and persecutions which are inseparably connected with an espousal of his cause. But were I to offer myself to the church, What could I tell? What things I could think of, bore but little resemblance to christian experience, and I feared being deceived, and deceiving others. More Than once, or twice, I fixed upon a time, when I hoped to be ready to unite with the church, (if they would receive me,) but in this also I was foiled. There remained therefore no alternative for me, but to take that reprobate course, to “wait the Lord’s time.” One day, in the month of July, 1847, I concluded to take a careful review of every circumstance from first to last, and weigh the evidence for and against; and compare such testimony as I had, with what the word authorized me to expect, in order that I might know if possible my true standing. In the first place my worst difficulty was, that I had never had trouble enough; that my exercises had never been as severe as those of others,

“If aught was felt ‘twas only pain

To find I could not feel.”

I had seldom if ever been caused to weep, and although sensible of my situation, a degree of hardness and indifference thereto seemed to prevail with me. And not only so, but there is a joy and peace in believing, a joy which is unspeakable, and full of glory, spoken of, which I did not think that I had ever realized. It appeared to me, that something of this kind, which was necessary, was altogether wanting with me. Such overflowing light and joy, as you have had frequently to record; when everything in nature appeared to be praising the Creator, is even yet unknown to me. In short, the result of this inquiry was the same as before, – against myself. I must be content, without some farther testimony, to dwell on the other side Jordan. No sooner was this decision formed, than quick as thought, was this scripture presented; “We walk by faith not by sight.” The words were few, and the time was short, yet my decision was reversed, my views were entirely changed – I saw that what I had been seeking for, would amount to walking by sight, that it was more than was allotted to believers here, to enjoy; that their walk was a walk of trust and dependence, constantly looking to Jesus, and receiving all from him; having nothing in themselves, but in him possessing all things; that they have his faithful word of promise, and that it is their privilege to believe it, and to live upon it. Were it not so, there would be no necessity for the exercise of faith. Moreover I saw also, that I was living in this way, that I only lived as I lived upon him, that in myself was death, but in him was life, that I was resting in him, and that whatever of life, of hope, of peace, or consolation I enjoyed, it was derived from him, and from no other quarter. Suffice it to say, that the way was now open, the difficulties that had long perplexed me were effectually removed; and I was, unworthy as I am, shortly after this, admitted to the ordinances of the Lord’s house, and to the fellowship of his people.

I have thus led you back, “to the rock from whence I was hewn, to the hole of the pit from whence I Was digged.” I have withheld nothing that I thought would be profitable to you, or have a tendency to exalt the character of the Savior of sinners. I have related in faithfulness what perhaps a proper sense of delicacy might have led me to conceal. I have endeavored to render myself intelligible to the weakest capacity; and if I have presented any thing incorrectly, or given a false coloring to any circumstance,rest assured it has been done undesignedly. 

And now render, in closing this subject, let me address a few words to you. Whether you claim the relationship of brethren and sisters or not; whether you reside in Maine or Louisiana, wherever this imperfect sketch of my history finds you, let me ask, in relating to you my experience, have I told any part of yours? Is this the way that you have learned Christ? and has he displayed the riches of his grace and mercy unto you, as he has unto me? Does your want of experience perplex you, and cause you to despond? it is this that has ever been a source of deep concern with me. Have any of you become so hardened in sin, or been so far sold to do iniquity, that you are ready to conclude the divine mercy cannot reach you? Let me point you to a Savior who is able to save you – to such a High Priest as becomes us. It is thus that he is pleased to display his mercy, and make known the riches of his grace, by causing them to shine upon the very chief of sinners. Mark What he has done for me. How long suffering through an almost unparalleled career of transgression;and then when brought low, even down to despair and death, he brought salvation near, causing me to hope, and spake comforting to me. Let none despair, seeing that he has thus entered the very flames to pluck a brand out of the burning; yea from the sides of the pit have his everlasting arms rescued me,reaching even to where I was. My only object in this relation, is to spread his praise abroad, and tell you what great things he has done for me. While ever I have the privilege of employing tongue or pen,let me “abundantly utter the memory of his great goodness, and sing of his righteousness.” May his blessing follow what is in accordance with his will, and may it be our happy privilege, to enjoy the testimony of the unerring Spirit of truth, that we are the subjects of a work of grace, for the Savior’s sake. Amen.

E. RITTENHOUSE.
Kingwood, N. J.
Signs of the Times
Volume 16, No. 20.
October 15, 1848.