AUTOBIOGRAPHY ELDER EPHRAIM RITTENHOUSE 1...

Kingwood, N. J., June 25, 1848.

ESTEEMED BROTHER IN CHRIST: – The appearance of my name in your columns in your last number, reminds me of my unfinished task, and consequently of my duty to you and your readers to endeavor to prosecute it.


The individual whose history we then introduced, we left swallowed up in atheism and infidelity. And it was under such circumstances, and in such a state of mind, that he was soon called upon to take a last farewell of an affectionate father. And thus to witness, in the hour of dissolving nature, that composure and peace, yea that heavenly calm in the midst of the tempest, which none but a christian knows, and none but a christian’s God can give. While nature is failing, and the earth, with every earthly tie, receding from the view; that faith by which he had long lived, and which is his strength and support as life is about to close, now begins to triumph, and rising victorious above the terrors of death, he exclaims: “Glory, glory to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ!” But the scene forever closes, and he with whom we had so often knelt in family devotion, who had so early and faithfully stored the minds of his children with the precepts of divine truth; and now sealing his testimony by a death in accordance with his life, exemplifying and honoring that religion and that cause which he had espoused, has gone to “rest from his labors.” All these things however proved of little avail with me. I have thought since that, at this time I must have been led captive by the enemy at his will. It does not seem that I was at liberty even to think for myself. I recollect however contrasting the unearthly peace and serenity which filled his mind, with what would be my own feelings were I placed in the same situation.  Those who are accustomed, in times of sore trial and afflictions to rest their care and their complaints with him who cares for them and sympathizes with them, can hardly appreciate the utter desolation of a soul in such a state as I have been describing. But he who is “A father to the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, in his holy habitation,” remembered us in our afflictions. And in the trials and sufferings through which a widow with a family of children must necessarily pass, the kind interposition of an overruling providence was too manifest to be denied. It may be thought that I could see these things now as I could not before. But be that as it may, my doubts and unbelief fled away. They were dispersed and gone, like the darkness at the appearance of the morning sun; and I could neither doubt,nor deny, what it was my privilege to witness daily and continually. And from that time to the present I have been confirmed and fully established on that point; so that I do not think that any arguments or reasonings of men would have moved me. What I had once believed I now knew to be true.

As it had been previous, so also subsequent to this time, seasons of conviction for sin, or what was supposed to be sin, would follow each other at intervals, sometimes of a few weeks, and sometimes of only a few days; these were followed of course by an attempt at reformation, but before much advance could be made, it would invariably be forgotten: and again ere long conviction be renewed. The various vanities and follies of youth; among them, trifling away the day set apart for worship, would be charged upon me, and a strict reform attempted. But so it was, every attempt proved a failure every resolution was formed only to be broken, and not a single duty that I considered myself bound to perform, but would in a short time pass from my memory.In the course of events a sweeping revival took place in the congregation with which I was accustomed to meet; such a revival I mean as is conducted and controlled wholly by an individual, the result of which was that the principal part of the youth of the neighborhood were eventually put under the water.I attended through the whole of it, and I think felt anxious to be benefited, if such could be the case. I listened attentively to all they had to say, and followed their directions as far as I could. To have gone farther would have been presumption in me. It might do for them to claim the promise in their favor,and to demand as of right the pardon and forgiveness of their sins, in their own way; to go on and serve the Lord (as they said) whether he saved them or not, but it would not do for me. I could find no promises in my favor, they were all against me. I had no lawful claims whatever to present; I had forfeited every claim and every right; and as to serving the Lord, as often as I had tried that I had failed.Moreover I had learned from the word, that whatever was not of faith was sin; and that faith Iconscious I was destitute of. What therefore remained for me more than the prayer of the publican? Let the event be what it may, I must withdraw from them, though I should become more hardened and impenitent than ever. For a time I would read and study much, in order to become acquainted with the way of life, and then sink into a longer and deeper apostasy. A consciousness of guilt and fear of the consequences remained with me more or less however for some years, but finally ceased to trouble me.I longed to taste the sweets of sin without restraint, to be removed from the presence of my Maker, and revel in iniquity to the utmost. That I could, after thus bearing testimony to the goodness of the Lord, sosoon transgress against him with impunity and without remorse, may seem incredible, yet such was the case. This was not of long continuance however, before I was led to reflect on the course I was pursuing, on the mercies and and long suffering of an offended God towards so rebellious a creature,which had been manifested to me at times, and in ways, of which I cannot now speak particularly; andon my own iniquitous career in return, and as might be expected I sunk despondently into deep and dark despair. The sentence of death now came upon me and I confessed it just. “Behold, my servants shall sing for joy of heart, and ye shall howl for vexation of spirit.” “For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sin, but a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.” I felt conscious that I had sinned thus wilfully, that I had set at nought all his counsel, and would none of his reproof. What therefore remained for me, but that when my fear came as desolation, and my destruction as a whirlwind; to eat of the fruit of my own way, and be filled with my own devices. “They shall call upon me but I will not answer; they shall seek me early but they shall not find me.” I had once earnestly sought him, and longed to obtain mercy at his hands; but now, how could I come before him,or dare to enter into his presence? On the contrary, I abandoned all idea or expectation of ever being saved, or of seeking for mercy at all; and for weeks and months together, meditated on the nature and extent of that punishment to which I would be subjected as the wages of iniquity.But he whose mercies are unsearchable, I trust had some better things in store for me.

Signs of the Times 
Volume 16, No. 14.
July 15, 1848.