THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN TAKEN BY PRAYER 10/10 (WILLIAM HUNTINGTON)

My mistress finding that she could not get me altogether stripped of the peace and happiness I then enjoyed, went another way to work; for, whenever any minister or professor came to her house, she informed them of my preaching; and, as I could not pray with her, she told them I was so spiritually proud that I would not join with her in prayer. It was not, however, my pride, but her sin, that stopped the mouth of prayer; for how can a person pray with people one minute, and quarrel with them the next? Whatever Christian or minister called at the house was sure (after having a little conference with her) to come to me at the wharf, saying, "So, my friend, you preach, I am informed; take heed you do not run before you are sent," &c. Others would come to me, saying, "Beware of pride, my friend; pride is dangerous." And others would tell me of the importance of the ministerial work, without telling me wherein my sufficiency lay.

I had these things sounded in my ears till my soul was bowed down within me. These cautions were out of season to me; for I had run away once from the work already, and had suffered severely for it; therefore I knew it came from my mistress, not from God. Nor was I much in danger of pride, while carnal professors were harassing my soul all day long, and a poor family wanting bread at home; bowed down with hard labor for ten shillings per week; and no clothes to preach in, except a fustian frock, an old pair of leather breeches, yarn stockings, and clouted shoes. A God-fearing person, thus equipped, who has the galling yoke of a hypocrite upon his neck, and who is daily fighting against the peace of his conscience and the comfort of his soul, will not find much to lift him up with pride.

At last, however. I began to answer these gentlemen's cautions from the word of God, which stopped their mouths. For, when they cautioned me to take care, I told them my taking care would not do, we must cast all our care upon the Lord, who careth for us; I Pet. v. 7. And again, "For we are kept by the mighty power of God through faith unto salvation," 1 Pet. i. 5. And, when they have told me to beware of pride, I answered, that the same Christ, who hath redeemed me "from the curse of the law," had redeemed me also from "deceit and violence," Psal. lxxii. 14; and from all other evil; Gen. xlviii. 16. When they talked of the wisdom that was required in a minister, I replied! Christ was, "made of God unto us wisdom " - that Christ had promised to give me "a mouth and wisdom which all mine enemies shall not be able to gainsay nor resist," Luke, xxi. 15; and that he had given me faith to believe that he certainly would accomplish it. I found that a few evangelical answers were sufficient to stop the mouths of such legal advisers, who lead our minds from the Saviour, instead of leading us to him, without whom "we can do nothing," John, xv. 5.

My mistress used to watch me all day long; and, if at my meal times she saw me go into any of the out-offices, she would suspect I was gone to prayer, and would follow me, desiring that I would let her join with me, and that I would pray for her. Instead of which, my business was to pray to God to deliver me from her. Finding that I made use of a little place by the Thames side for prayer and reading of an evening after I had left work, she locked it up, though it was of no other use. In short, I could compare her to none but the enemies of St. Stephen, of whom it is said that, when his face shone before the council like the face of an angel, his adversaries gnashed their teeth at him.

Reader, art thou a young Christian? Take heed of these comfort-killers; who carry a lance in their mouths, to let out the very power and life of godliness, and only envy thy happiness, and grudge because they themselves are not satisfied with it. They would rather make thee as dead as themselves than feel the flames of jealousy. Keep close to Christ; balance thy accounts between him and conscience two or three times a day; and expect your daily penny from him, and your "expectation shall not be cut off." Real religion consists of a pure and heavenly mind; a purged and peaceable conscience; and gospel affections, going out after the dear Redeemer. These thou canst not enjoy unless thou maintainest a close union and communion with Christ, which communion is kept up by living faith and fervent prayer. There is much head and tongue religion in the world, while there is but little of this vital religion. I have been amazed at times to think how such hardened hypocrites could sit under the gospel. But the scriptures convinced me that it was always so; for the very devils appeared among the angels in heaven before they were east out - Cain got into the first church - Canaan into the second - Ishmael into the third - Esau into the fourth - Saul among the prophets - Judas among the apostles - Nicolas among the deacons, and Ananias and Sapphira among the primitive saints. Thus, says the Saviour, "Let the wheat and the tares grow together until the harvest." I know the language of my soul was, "Lord, shall I pluck them up?" But the Lord says, No, "Let them grow together until the harvest." I believe David had an itching finger against these tares, when he says, "Who will rise up with me against the evil doers? I will surely destroy all the wicked of the land, that I may cut off all the wicked doers from the city of the Lord," Psal. ca. 8. However, David could not destroy all the hypocrites; for, when he had got rid of Saul, Ahithophel found him out, and got to his very table, cabinet, and conscience; he was his counselor, his guide, and his familiar friend.

I was once a stagecoach with two gentlemen, who were speaking to each other about rogues. One mentioned how he had been taken in by a swindler; when the other observed - "If there is a simple fool in the world, a villain will find him out." This witness is true.

If such a man as David could not escape such hypocrites, how shall we? The dear Redeemer traveled on this path also. If a woman, moved with pity, would anoint Jesus in faith to his burial, Judas wants the unction turned into cash, with a pretense to relieve the poor. If the Saviour hungered or thirsted, he might beg wafer of the woman at the well; and if he would feed his followers, he might work miracles to do it - Judas bore the bag, and loved that which was put therein, for he was a thief. If the Lord makes a supper, Judas is there; while he is taking his mournful leave, Judas is selling his blood; and, when he is in the greatest agonies in the garden, Judas comes, as a general of Satan's army, at the front with a kiss; the chief captains in the center; and poor ignorant souls, armed with the weapons of indignation, in the rear. Thus the dear Redeemer traveled this path also; he was pestered with a hypocrite as well as we. However, he left his heavenly Father to pluck Judas up; and we must leave Christ to pluck our tares up also.

Notwithstanding all my endeavours to keep up the life of religion in my soul, this woman damped it much at times; for she would come and quarrel with me till she made me angry, and then my peace and comfort left me. When this was the case she had a banquet and I had a fast; for she could not make fast while the bridegroom was with me; but, when malice drove him away, then I fasted. At last, I began to be so stripped, that her spirit would come upon me even if I was at the bottom of the wharf when I heard her quarreling, till I felt myself both wounded and naked. "Alas!" said I, "how hard did I wrestle to get this sweet frame of mind; and now what hard work it is to keep it! Parsons and people, professors and profane, wonder that I have not left my first love; and endeavor to insinuate that I shall shortly lose that sweet way of living, and be brought to live by faith, which, according to their account, has neither life nor love belonging to it." Whenever any preacher has begun to level his discourse at the comforting power of religion, I began to tremble; for I would as soon have parted with my life as with my comfort. But this I observed, that none of them could clear such a point with the word of God on their side: for there is not a word in all God's book that speaks against spiritual life and divine love in the soul of a believer. No; every promise is pregnant with these blessings, and they are conveyed to the souls of men by the Holy Ghost; and the gospel is to be preached to encourage and nurse this life and love, wherever quickening and inflaming grace hath operated.

I often felt a rebuke in my conscience for not reproving my mistress, and telling her of her awful state; but the consideration of my being a laborer, and she my mistress, prevented me from doing it. If any good Christian came to the house, she would immediately take down the Bible and lay it open in her lap. It was a rare thing for any professor to see her without it, and yet I verily believe she scarcely read a chapter in a year. I one day went under a hedge in the garden, and there prayed to God to enable me to tell her of her wretched profession. As soon as I came back to the wharf she called me in, and told me she wanted me to go to prayer with her. This was a most painful task to perform. However, I was going to kneel down, or else to play my harp; but she prevented me, by saying, "Stop, William, I want to have a little conversation with you; I want to know what you think of the state of my soul." I replied, "I am your servant or laborer, and as such it is my duty to obey you; but, if you ask me about divine things, you put me in the place of a gospel minister; and as such, I must lay by the thoughts of servitude, and tell you (as in God's sight) what I really think you are. For my part, I verily believe you are a hypocrite in the sight of God; your religion is nothing else but to deceive yourself and others, nor can I call you honest in any sense whatever." She raged, saying, "You are no judge of the matter." I told her, if she really thought so, she should not have applied to me for counsel. And I informed her how she might know whether I had told her the truth or not. If she would go into her closet, and pray to God to make her conscience do its office; and if her conscience did not bear the same testimony against her as I did, she was right, and I was wrong. However, my conscience and I agreed on our verdict; and, after I had talked to her till she was a little cooled, I went to prayer with her, and begged God to bless the message; which was the last time I ever prayed with her. After this she went to Kingston, and informed the good people there that I had called her a hypocrite; without telling them that she had asked my opinion of her state, or mentioning my having apologized to her as a servant, this prejudiced many good people against me. The preachers from London were informed of it, and heavy charges were brought against me for my rash conduct. However, God's word justified me for my deliberate reproof, and so did my own conscience too; and, as good Mr. Bunyan says, "If there was a little more of this faithful dealing, the society of the godly would be too hot for talk, tires." But many good men blaming me, and pitying her, "healed the wound slightly, crying, Peace, Peace, where God had not spoken peace." When she went to complain to one good man, he said he believed that I had told her the real truth; for he had often declared that, among all her friends, she had not one faithful one, who would tell her the state she was in.

One day when I was praying and found great liberty with Christ and sweet access to him, I asked his blessed Majesty what I could be kept in that place for, where there was nothing but sin and misery? And I came away satisfied with the reason. Before I went to that place I was no more fit for a minister than an infant. I had been so long in convictions and had afterward been blessed with such a soul-humbling deliverance, that my spirit was as a weaned child. Whoever carried a Bible or a hymn book I viewed as an eminent saint, and to such would unbosom all my experience; for I could not suspect any to be hypocrites who sat under the gospel. Therefore it was perpetually impressed upon my mind that I was kept there to learn how to distinguish between real grace in Christians and the mimicry of hypocrites; and that I was to go forth into the public ministry as soon as I was prepared under this woman's tuition. I found that "the testimony of Jesus was the spirit of prophecy" to me; for it so fell out that, as soon as I left that wharf, doors were opened to me continually. And I must confess that I am beholden to that woman (as the chief instrument under God) for every discourse that I have been enabled to deliver against a hypocrite. And I soon saw the effects of this when I came publicly into the work, by the great quantity of old leaven which God used me as an instrument to purge out. It was also of further use, as it enabled me to endure persecution and to withstand these canting professors.

A spirit of meekness is excellent when it has tender consciences to examine, or established flocks to feed. But, if Elisha is called to do Elijah's work, he had need of a double portion of Elijah's spirit. If such a spirit of power and prevalency with God should appear in our days, some of our dignified gentlemen would call it a bad one, though the scriptures inform us that all those who resisted it resisted the Holy Ghost, which plainly proves that the spirit of Elijah and that of St. Stephen were the same spirits; as it is written, "Ye stiff-necked, and uncircumcised in heart and ears, ye do always resist the Holy Ghost: as your fathers did, so do ye. Which of the prophets have not your fathers persecuted?" Acts, vii. 51, 52. Some in our days call it an Old Testament spirit, hinting thereby that the spirit of the New Testament differs from that of the Old; so they will divide the substance of the Holy Ghost, rather than allow him to divide his gifts "severally as he will."

I found that I must be driven from all refuge, either in the world or in the church of God, and stand in the promised strength of the Lord alone; for which I have reason to bless God forever, though it was trying to flesh and blood. I should not have mentioned so much of this, but I think it may be of use to poor young souls, who are buffeted in their first love by dry, legal, bitter professors, who never knew the plague of the human heart, nor the blessings of God's Spirit, that they may shun them. Being fully persuaded that I was kept there for the aforesaid purposes, I rested the more contented, though I daily suffered loss in my comforts.

The report of my robbing people of their bacon, geese, pigs, &c, having much prevailed abroad, and many carnal people crediting the report, a scheme was laid to bring me and the gospel into contempt. There was a company of young men at Ditton, farmers' sons in general. One of them attended my ministry and behaved as though he had been wounded by the word, appearing very serious for many weeks. According to the report, these young men usually met at a public house at Weston Green, to play cards and other diversions; and this young man sat under my ministry while the others were rioting at the meeting door. His companions would often tell me of preaching for money: and one evening he followed me home, saying he heard I was very poor; and, as I fed his soul by my preaching, he ought to help to feed me in a temporal sense, as he could well afford it. I told him God would provide for me; if I was made useful to him, it was all that I wanted. He insisted on my taking his present, but I would not on any account whatever. A few days after this they reproached me for having taken money from this young man; however, I believe conscience made him tell the truth to his companions; for this reproach soon ceased, and the young man never sat under my ministry afterward, nor would he meet me on the road if he could by any means avoid it. Thus "they set traps in my way, and spread nets for my feet;" but God kept my feet from being taken.

At Wooking also, after I had been preaching out of doors, a friend came, and asked me to give him a pinch of snuff; taking occasion thereby to drop money into my box; which I took out, and gave him again: when he told me that it was not his, but that a young man, who had heard me, was convicted by his conscience, and desired him to give it me; but, as he thought I would not take it, he had put it into my snuff. I told him to return it to the young man again - he did so, and soon afterward the same young man appeared among the rioters and scoffers at the gospel. Thus God "cut off occasion from them that sought occasion," and kept me from falling "into the pit which they had dug." But to return -

My mistress, pursuing me perpetually, made me almost as dead as herself. Her continually quarreling with me almost drove my comforts away, and then I cared not what became of me. Her cavilling spirit would so overwhelm me at times, that I lost all sight of the Saviour, and of the sweet covenant of grace; and fell into a gloom of melancholy; and went fretting all the day' long, meditating on the hard travail I had formerly waded through: but now since the Lord in his tender pity had delivered me, and brought me among his people, they used me worse than the world did. Indeed one Saul is worse than a host of Philistines.

I do not wonder at poor Samson's desiring the men of Judah not to fall upon him themselves, and that he obtained an oath from them that they would not; though they afterward took care to bind him, and deliver him into the hands of his enemies. We have many such binders in our days; who, through the fear of man, and their rotten legality, bring the spiritually-minded into bondage: and we generally lie in their cords till the Spirit of God comes upon us, and then they are like tow before he flame, Judges, xv. 14.

In this gloomy frame of mind I lost sight of the dear Redeemer; and legally wandered back to Horeb, where I met with nothing but the earthquake, the wind, and the fire. The law raged afresh in my conscience, and kept me in bondage; my heart grew hard, and my mind was filled with confusion; so that went "bound in the spirit," and had lost the happy enjoyment of gospel liberty. Finding this bondage had such an advantage over me, that heavy temptations came upon me. I was tempted to entertain very hard thoughts of God for bringing me into the hands of such people and suffering me thus to be hunted out of all peace and happiness by one who appeared (according to the report of scripture) to be the most profound hypocrite in all the world. My prayers not meeting with success, made me set light by that glorious privilege; and the consequence was, flint my joys withered like the green herb.

As the law began thus to rage in my conscience, so sin began to get dominion over me: the more I strove against my daily failings, the more I stumbled and fell by them; and, the more I stumbled, the more I murmured; till unbelief wholly gained the ascendancy over me, and "my heart fretted against the Lord." My mistress now had a feast - the witness that tormented her was apparently slain; poor Samson was bound, and "the Philistines shouted against him:" but, as soon as the bonds of the poor ass were loosed, the jaw-bone slew her again. Thus the triumph of a hypocrite is short when the innocent stir up themselves against them, Job, xvii. 8.

I continued long in this legal frame, striving against sin in my own strength without any success; and my prayers began to be as legal as my frame, which consisted in calling upon God to help me in the work. But, alas! where the self is an agent God will not be an assistant: this is not making him "all in all." However, these prayers brought nothing home, therefore it was laboring in vain. My master, being an Arminian, generally talked to me about good works: and I watched narrowly to see what good works showed forth themselves in him; but found none; therefore I perceived he said and did not. I observed upon the whole, that true faith would work, though she dare not boast; but Arminianism will boast, though she does not work. For that man, with all his free will, perfection, and good works, dwelt in such things as would have struck me dumb, and brought my conscience to the very gates of hell.

Having wandered about six weeks in this legal labyrinth, without any appearance of getting out, I began to be almost desperate under the burden of a hard heart, a lifeless hope, and frozen affections; without any power to recover my former blessedness. At times I saw the Christian's liberty, but could not enjoy it; for I was shut up, and could not come forth; Psal. lxxxviii. 8. This made me almost desperate, as an evangelical view of the covenant rather aggravated the circumstance. Going one day (when I was at the worst, as I thought, and bereft of all comfort) into a field a little way from the village, in order to turn a horse out to grass, and mourning under this miserable frame, I concluded that I would lie down in the field, and pray till God heard and delivered me; with a full determination not to get up till he brought "my soul out of trouble." I therefore turned out the horse, and pitched upon a spot suitable for the purpose; where I was determined to die or be delivered. To the best of my remembrance, I addressed the Almighty in the following manner: "Oh God! If I, or any other being or creature, except thyself, have wrought this change in my soul, I cannot expect thee to own it or bless it; and, if thou hast not done it, tell me who has - tell me, O Lord, who could deliver my soul from such temptations, guilt, despair, and horror! and who it was that gave me that deliverance and unutterable love to thee. Who could wean my soul from every other object and make thee more dear to me than even my life itself? If this work is not thine, inform me who did it, and let me know the worst: but, if it was thy own work, then, 0 Lord, own it as such. If thou ownest the work to be thine, then I must be thine; and, if I am thine, undertake for me, and deliver me out of this miserable frame, which now overwhelms me. I cannot go on thus; I will not get up till I am delivered. If I am thine, own me and deliver me; but, if not, destroy me; for, if I am not thine, I am quite indifferent what becomes of me."

I had not prayed long before Moses's "veil was rent from the top to the bottom," and Christ," the end of the law for righteousness," was sweetly revealed to my soul. I should not have mentioned this circumstance, but for the probability that some poor soul may read it, who may be entangled in the same net; and I think no experimental Christian will be offended because he knows more or less of it in his own experience. As to the man who is a stranger to real religion, he cannot condemn it, because he does not understand it. Experimental religion will never be despised by the wise, nor can it be condemned by the foolish.

The manner in which I was delivered was by the application of these texts. "Look unto me, and be ye saved, all ye ends of the earth." "I will keep that man in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon me, and will save him because he trusteth in me." "Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength." I was enabled from that minute to see myself "complete in Christ Jesus;" yea, "without spot," being justified in his righteousness; as it is written, "Thou art all fair, there is no spot in thee." And, while I was enabled to view Christ by faith as my righteousness - my strength - my hope - my peace - my wisdom - my sanctification - my light - my way - my gate-my dwelling-place - my fortress - my portion - my head - my representative - my advocate - my counselor - my guide - my Redeemer, Master, God, and Lord; I say, while I kept Christ thus in my view by faith, I could see myself complete in him, as he represents us so before God. Now all things went well with me; my heart found peace and happiness, and Christ was all in all to my soul. I looked back at my folly, and well understood what the apostle's caution meant, when he said, "Stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made you free, and be not again entangled with the yoke of bondage." I evidently perceived that I had been wandering back to the law and that Moses had brought in his bills afresh for daily infirmities: accordingly, I endeavored to settle matters with him, but in vain; for, the more I strove against sin, the more the law raged and strengthened it. Moses having blinded my eyes with his veil, led my conscience into prison, and laid me in irons; which hardened my heart, and stirred up the enmity of my mind against the Lord. This is the very quintessence of legality. Reader, never presume to balance accounts with Moses, without taking an imputed righteousness, and an all-sufficient atonement, in the hand of faith; if thou dost, thou wilt get thy feet in the stocks, and there thou wilt lie until thou lookest to that great Ransom which alone can deliver thee.

While my soul was on this sweet mountain, with its glorious shining top, I had a pleasing view of the intricate paths which my soul had traveled through. Well, might Job call it "a path which no soul knoweth, and which the vulture's eye hath not seen; the lion's whelps have not trodden it, nor the fierce lion passed by it," chap. xxviii. 7, 8.

My communion was now sweet with the Lord; my views of the ever-blessed covenant clearer than ever; and I found, as Hezekiah says, that "by these trials men live, and in all these things is the life of our spirits; so God revives us, and causes us to live." No frame of mind on earth is so sweet as that which arises from a believing view of Christ crucified; while that undeserved love for sinners, which moved him to undertake and die for us, sweetly flows into the mind, and spreads its fragrant balm over every faculty of the soul. This makes the soul rise up in the springtide of divine and everlasting life, till the world, and all its vain amusements, are left as burdensome luggage at the foot of the mount. Oh that my dear reader may experience many of these sweet ebbings and flowings! then he will not stigmatize the author as an enthusiast; for it really is an experimental bathing in Ezekiel's river. I enjoyed this glorious frame for some time after that long and severe exercise under the spirit of bondage; and indeed I thought it was impossible for Moses again to imprison me, I saw the workings of legality so clearly. But, alas! it is in the Lord's "light that we see light;" and, if he hides his face, we are soon troubled.

Finding that God had loaded me with ministerial work, I was determined to leave the employment of coal-heaving, as it was impossible for me to keep up communion with God while in it. Therefore I informed my master of my intention and accordingly left him. Never was my soul more happy than when I got out of that miserable company, from that miserable employment, and from under that miserable mistress. I had now many doors opened to me, and free liberty to lengthen Zion's cords and strengthen her stakes, and to break forth on the right hand and on the left.

Having gone on for some time in a very comfortable frame of soul, I chiefly preached comfort in my sermons; which drew together many people to hear me, both good and bad: therefore l was to have another cross to try me. My mistress, not approving of my leaving her servitude, told several ministers and Christians that I had left them suddenly before they were provided with another laborer. The truth was, I left the same person that I succeeded in the place at my departure, and went about my heavenly Father's business. My mistress, however, prejudiced many good men's minds against me, by saying that my leaving them was hurtful to their business. But even this was serviceable to me also, as it tended to wean me from all human props, and led me to trust in my dear Redeemer alone. Every evil report had a tendency to drive me to prayer, in answer to which I found the testimony of my God still with me. My departure from coal-heaving was like Jacob's departure from sheepkeeping; and my mistress was as willing to hold me in slavery for little or nothing, as Laban was to hold Jacob because he saw his cattle were increased. However, God had set my face toward Mount Gilead, and my business was to raise up a heap of witnesses for him.

Having been very comfortable for a long time, I preached comfort perpetually to the people; and my discourses savored a good deal of the joys of the mount, which some of the poor tried ones could not get at: therefore the Lord was pleased to lay my soul in irons, in order that I might speak to them who were in the horrible pit. I now found my chains come heavy upon me; and expected they would burst, as usual, when I went into the pulpit. But no; I was left to stand in the pillory, as a good man terms it; I mean, to preach in bondage. While my soul lay in this gloomy state, I preached from passages of scripture that were suitable to my then melancholy frame of mind: and was quite surprised to find the people received it so cordially, smiling and rejoicing in it. When I came down from the pulpit I was ashamed to look them in the face, thinking I had delivered such heavy and melancholy tidings to them: but, alas! they laid hold of my hand, blessed me, and seemed all alive. This was a path that I had not traveled before, therefore I knew not what to make of it. In the afternoon it was the same again. "Alas!" said I, "doth God keep my soul in misery, and bless them with such comfort under my ministry! Surely I am not going to preach the gospel to others, and be a castaway myself? Wherefore I began to be very much alarmed at seeing them so happy, while my soul was bowed down within me. And sometimes, when I have expressed my soul troubles in my discourses, they have appeared to be filled with joy. I could not conceive the meaning of this; their joy appeared to me like the shout of the Philistines when Samson was bound. I began at last to envy them their happiness; and was grieved at my heart to see such comfort ministered to them under the word, while there was not one drop of it that flowed through my heart. I never understood this passage till I got out of that miserable frame; "And, whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation," 2 Cor. i. 6. On my road home I was much distressed indeed at this strange experience: however, I still continued in bondage, do what I would; nor could I pray myself out of it; till I began at last to be filled with cruel jealousy, and to envy the happiness of those who rejoiced in the dear Redeemer. This wretched frame of mind filled my soul with terror, to think that my heart should swell with anger against those who enjoyed the sweet influences of the Holy Ghost! "Alas!" said I, "this is no better than sinning against the Holy Spirit of God." I was now entangled in a fresh mystery; nor could I by any means unriddle it. I still continued to preach from texts of scripture expressive of trouble; such as these - "And when I am tried I shall come forth as gold;" "We that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened;" "These are they that came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, &c.;" and, "Oh that I knew where I might find him!"

Under these melancholy discourses, the people who heard me were greatly blessed, until their joys appeared an aggravation of my misery; and I was ready to grudge them their comfort, as I went mourning all day long without the sun. I longed to run away from the work, rather than stand up and preach comfort to others while my own soul was bowed down within me.

I have often thought it was such soul-distressing frames of mind as these which made the prophets cry out, "The burden of the word of the Lord," as much as the heavy judgments which that word contained. This my present state of bondage was attended with another cutting trial - that of spiritual jealousy. For, when I saw young Christians triumphing in the love of Christ under my ministry, while I went mourning under the hiding of the Saviour's countenance, traveling in chains, buffeted by Satan, and distressed with a hardness of heart - yet compelled to preach through the fear of apostasy, which kept me in awe - I could not endure to see the Redeemer indulge others with such divine consolations, while I was denied his blessed presence. This experience taught me effectually the meaning of the earnest suit, and soul-humbling confession, of the spouse in the Song of Solomon - "Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned," chap. viii. 6, 7. While I was under this raging jealousy, I often preached from such texts as these - "They have provoked me to jealousy with that which is not God;" "I will provoke them to jealousy with a foolish people," Deut. xxxii. 21; and "Salvation is come to the Gentiles, to provoke them to jealousy," Rom. xi. 11; which seemed to afford to my hearers great comfort also. And I varied in my doctrines as my frames varied, being always led to choose texts suitable to my own feelings. Thus God kept me in bondage to speak to them that were bound, as bound with them; suffered me to travel in the dark, to speak to those upon whom the day-spring had scarcely begun to dawn; and caused my life to hang in doubt, that I might speak to doubting souls. While I continued in this melancholy frame, many escaped from the horrible pit under my ministry, by my speaking to them in the language of their own distresses. But this I knew not till afterward; nor did I know, till I was delivered, what Paul meant by travailing in birth until Christ was formed in them; Gal. iv. 19. I went one night to preach at a good woman's house, who seemed rather distressed; I asked her what was the cause of her looking so sadly. She told me, that her husband, though he had long followed the gospel, had never experienced much of the power of it; but that she had been greatly indulged with comfortable communion with Christ. "But lately," said she, with tears in her eyes, "my husband is blessed with great consolations, and my comforts are all gone. This is like the Lord's leaving Saul, and going to David: and I can compare myself to none but Saul, for I really envy my husband his happiness." Hearing such things from an old mother in Israel was a sweet cordial to me; for, being entangled in the same net, I could describe it to her feelingly, and show her, from the scriptures, that others had felt the same. My conversation was blessed to her, and she was delivered out of trouble. But when I found she was delivered by my conversation, and that I was left behind, it added to my misery; I envied her as well as others and went groaning home, almost desperate.

My wife, seeing me perpetually cast down, began to wonder at it; having formerly seen me so happy and zealous in the ways of the Lord; which I believe had provoked her to jealousy when she was in soul trouble: but, being now cast down, whom she supposed to be a strong believer, gave her some ground to hope that her religion was genuine; for she saw that I was in distress as well as herself; which afforded her great comfort; nor did I ever see her so cheerful and happy before. This increased my misery, and I thought that I had wrestled and prayed day and night for her - had reproved her - watched over her - admonished her, &c., and now God had heard my prayers for her, and had cast me off. So that I envied her also.

While I continued in this gloomy frame, my dame appeared to carry herself rather cold towards me, as I thought, and to speak more cheerfully to other people than she did to me; which was another provocation; and a spirit of nuptial or carnal jealousy came upon me; and I was jealous of my wife, though without the least cause; which grew so high, that I could not endure that anybody should look at her. This I never felt before, nor could I conceive how it would terminate. My wife at last began to taunt him and said she doubted my state. This was most cutting to my soul indeed. I told her not to triumph; for, as sure as she was born, so sure the spirit which I labored under would come upon her as soon as the Lord delivered me. And so it surely did; and continued with her many months, if not some years. Thus Leah polishes Rachel, Rachel polishes Leah, and both polish Jacob; and under these jealous cavils humbling grace operates, fervent prayers are put up by the supposed injured parties, and conspicuous answers from God establish their souls in faith. "God saw I was hated," said Leah, "therefore he gave me this son." "Surely God is on my side," said her faith. "And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice and hath given me a son; therefore called she his name Dan," Gen. xxx. 6. And Jacob said, "Except the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had been with me, surely thou hadst sent me away now empty; but God hath seen mine affliction," Gen. xxxi. 42. Thus they tried one another, and God tried and purified them all. But to return -

I lay in this miserable affliction for many weeks, until I was almost desperate; and at last even doubted of my salvation. This drove me to wrestle hard with God in prayer, but I found no deliverance. I had plenty of matter, and great liberty of speech in the pulpit, and the power of God attended the word spoken; until I was enraged at the happiness of the people, and secretly vowed that I would not preach to comfort others if I myself was left to perish.

It happened that, while on my road home, between Cobham and Esher, I was violently tempted to believe that God had east me off forever - that he would reveal himself to me no more I had sinned the unpardonable sin; and that my hard heart and desperate anger against the comforts of others, were proofs of it - that my jealousy, and determination not to preach anymore, was that rebellion which reigns and rules in such sinners' hearts. This drove me to prayer on the road; but, finding my prayer met with no success, I told the ever-blessed and ever-glorious God that, if he sent me to hell, I would declare before all the damned, both devils and men, and that to his dishonor, that he had called me by his grace - regenerated me by his Spirit, and sealed me to the day of eternal redemption - had filled my soul with the comforts of the Holy Ghost, and justified and sanctified me exactly agreeable to his own word - but that his faithfulness had now failed, and I was disappointed in my hope, &c. Very soon after this my chains began to burst, and the most blessed Redeemer delivered my soul from all my troubles. He appeared as sweet to my soul as ever. And now I could clearly see why I had been thus exercised. Whereupon I began to preach up the faithfulness and immutability of God - the impossibility of a believer's perishing - and that, if God brought us down to the gates of hell by afflictions, yet he would raise up from thence; for the gulph of God's decree was fixed, and no chosen vessel could pass over it. Thus I found that, as God had kept me long in trouble in order to feel after the consciences of troubled souls and to comfort them by my afflictions; so now he had delivered me from all my fears, that I might confirm their souls in the faith of the unchangeable love of God. This doctrine I had now sweetly sealed to me, and I preached it with all authority. And the final perseverance of the saints was cordially received by my flocks as a most comfortable and soul-establishing doctrine.

Thus, reader, I spoke as I was moved by the Holy Ghost; which operated under my various crosses, as expressed by ministers of the church of England at their ordination. And indeed we can never preach to profit souls unless we are; for a preacher is to lead his flock; and that I plainly perceived, blessed be God who enabled me to cleanse my own way by taking heed thereto according to his word.

As I made my own ground good by experiencing the truth, and proving my experience to be genuine by the word of God, I then led my flocks into the same establishing doctrines that had settled my soul, as it is written, "Lo, this we have searched, so it is: hear it and know thou it for thy good," Job. v. 27. Thus the preacher is a taster for the children of God. Ezekiel must eat the roll before he prophesies to others, and John must eat the little book, and taste both the bitter and the sweet before he is to prophesy again; Jeremiah too must find the word of God, and eat it likewise, before he can feed others. When this is the experience of a minister, he may say as Paul did," Ye are all partakers of my grace." But to return -

After my deliverance I could plainly perceive that this trial had been revealed to me before it came on; but, alas! "God speaketh once, yea, twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, then he openeth their ears to instruction," &c., Job, xxxiii. 14-16. I had one night the following dream, which was rather awful. I dreamed that I was in a large field; and, behold, a beast of an ill shape and dreadful appearance ran at the open-mouthed in a most furious manner. This beast was somewhat like a lion, rough-haired, and had a most dreadful wide mouth. In running furiously at me, he started back when he was within the space of a yard, which amazed me much, as he approached so near. At the formidable appearance of the creature I was dreadfully terrified in my sleep, especially as he suddenly made at me the second time, and appeared to come rather closer; but still, he started back, as before. The third time the creature flew at me, but still checked when he approached very near me. At length, when I found he could not reach me, I stood still, to see what was the occasion of it. When I perceived a chain go quite round the loins of the beast; and, behold, at the end of the chain stood one of the most handsome men I ever beheld, with his face shining like the face of an angel. He held the chain in his hand; and, when I looked at him in the face, he smiled sweetly upon me, and kept the beast close to his feet. Accordingly, when I saw that the creature was kept by a chain in his hand, I took up stones and threw at it; and, in swinging my arms, I awoke. I could not then help thinking that that dream was from God, as a prelude to some temptation, it appeared so scriptural. I considered the devil's being compared to a dog and a lion. First, to a dog; "Deliver my soul from the sword, my darling from the power of the dog," Psal. xxii. 20. Secondly, to a lion; "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: who resist steadfast in the faith," I Pet. v. 10. The chain which I saw in my dream appeared to be scriptural also. "And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand. And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the devil and Satan, and bound him a thousand years," Rev. xx. 1, 2. This angel is Christ Jesus, the angel of the everlasting covenant, as appears from his having the key of the bottomless pit; as you read, "I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death," Rev. i. 18. Throwing stones at him seemed to be likewise scriptural; as it is written, "The Lord of Hosts shall defend them; and they shall devour, and subdue with sling stones," Zech. ix. 15.

Having got rid of this internal cross, I soon found some external ones. But these are nothing when compared to the hiding of God's countenance; which resembles hell the most of anything, because his frowns in a cloud always reflect wrath; as it is written, "In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee," Isa. liv. 8.

Upon the whole, I found there was a daily cross for me to take up, and rather more than faith and patience could manage at times; but none so dreadful to an indulged child as the hiding of his father's countenance. My next cross was the opposition I met with from erroneous men. At Farnham, in Surrey, a free-will Baptist minister began to cavil at me as soon as I had delivered my message; and the contention lasted till midnight: but God enabled me to stand my ground till he was quite out of breath, and I believe of ammunition too. Carnal reason against the decrees of God is like attempting to overturn a mountain of brass with the web of a spider. The gentleman, enraged and routed, afterward sent me a challenge to dispute with me at a public house, where he would bring many friends with him, as witnesses of the great exploits of free agency. Howbeit, I had no occasion to go there to hear lectures on the trophies of free agency; I could get at them nearer home; for my own heart told me that, wherever free agency was enshrined, there the devil himself was enthroned. There never yet was a free agent in this world, since Adam's fall, except Christ, who was not under the dominion of the devil and led captive by him into the commission of every besetting sin. I accordingly sent that gentleman word that I should continue to preach at the places to which I was called; nor would I give place to the devil, if he came in my way; but I had no warrant to meet Satan halfway, nor to contend with him upon the unconsecrated ground.

After this, an Arian Baptist beset me at Worpolsdon, in Surrey, and brought others with him. These harassed me at times for a year or two, but God enabled me to oppose their errors as fast as they discovered themselves; nor did I lose one sheep by means of these evening wolves.

Some of my friends were angry with me at times for being so warm and severe in my delivery; but the Saviour's reproofs, given to the angels of the churches in the Revelations, bore me out, and warranted me in my zeal; nor could my friends persuade me to be a dumb dog while these wolves haunted the fold. There was also a Scotch Seceder at Guildford, whose head was very well furnished, who at times contended with this old leading Arian: and I was told that he overthrew his arguments, but soon afterward he fell into that very error himself, and then plunged into open profanity; so that he is now an Arian both in principle and practice. This circumstance effectually taught me that a well-furnished head is not sufficient to keep the devil out of the heart. Satan does not mind the head, it is the heart that he wants - "The strong man armed keeps possession of the palace." The devil mimics the Most High in this respect; for God says, "My son, give me thine heart."

I found all these oppositions of great service to me: for God gave me so uncommon a spirit of meekness at my first setting off to preach, that I found myself rather too tender "to declare the whole counsel of God." I was more fit for the character of a nurse than for that of a soldier. But, when these Arians came to tear up the very foundation of my hope, that spirit of meekness gave way to a fiery zeal. When I came in private before God my soul was overwhelmed with contrition; but when I got into my pulpit I was "clad with zeal as with a cloak." Farewell meekness, when we have to do with devils; God grant that my bowels may never sound with compassion on that ground where the vengeance of heaven burns with indignation! When our dear Redeemer was with his disciples Mary and Martha, at their brother's grave, he wept and groaned in spirit; but, when he upbraids Capernaum - reproves the generation of vipers - and drives the buyers and sellers out of the temple - then the zeal of God's house ate him up, and he appeared the dreadful Judge. Thus you see the just God and the Saviour that was wonderfully manifested at the Red Sea. Christ looked with compassion on his Israel, and led them forth like a flock, redeemed them, and saved them; but he looked as a judge on the Egyptians, and destroyed them. Behold, then, both goodness and severity displayed from a just God and a Saviour, Emmanuel, God with us! As a ransomer, he redeemed Israel; and, as a just God, he gave Egypt for their ransom. But to return -

I found that Satan beset me with the most dreadful temptations to Arianism; he laid perpetual siege to my judgment; and brought their damnable sophistry continually to my mind. While I was laboring under these wretched temptations God gave me a most precious promise; which was, "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not," Jer. xxxiii. 3. This scripture the Lord sweetly fulfilled to my soul, after permitting me to be long tempted; for he gave me a most glorious vision on Ripley Common, just by the little public-house called the Hut, where he showed me, in the light of the Scriptures, his essential divinity, and led me to see that every perfection of deity is attributed to Jesus Christ by God the Holy Ghost. And I think the judgment, the revelation, and the application, of the Holy Ghost, are sufficient to establish the heart of any Christian on this head, though all the Arians in the world should contradict it. I could see the Saviour's deity established to us by the following testimonies. First, by the testimony of God the Father, Heb. i. 8; "And the Father himself, who hath sent me, hath borne witness of me," John, v. 37. Secondly, by God the Saviour, Rev. i. 8; "Though I bear record of myself, yet my record is true," John, viii. 14. Thirdly, by God the Holy Ghost, as it is written, "Christ saith, how then doth David by the Holy Ghost call him Jehovah; saying, The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand till I make thine enemies thy footstool? If David then calls him Jehovah, how is he his son? And no man was able to answer him," Matt. xxii. 42-45. Fourthly, by the angels; "And the angel said unto them, I bring you good tidings of great joy; for unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Saviour, who is Christ, Jehovah," Luke, ii. 11. Fifthly, by patriarchs, Gen. iv. 8, 15, 16; and xxii. 14-16. Sixthly, by prophets, Jer. xxiii. 5, 6; Isa. xl. 3; and xliii. 10, 11. Seventhly, by apostles, 2 John, v. 20; Rom. ix. 5; Jude, 2, 5. Eighthly, by the adoration of all the hosts of heaven, Heb. i. 6. Ninthly, by the testimony of devils, Acts, xvi. 17. And, tenthly, by the predicted confession of all the damned, Isa. viii. 21, 22. And I clearly discerned that, if there be not three distinct persons, or personal subsistences, in the Godhead, the law, as the ministration of death, falls to the ground; for no man is to be put to death by the temporal or spiritual sword, but at the mouth of two, or, at the most, three witnesses; Deut. xvii. 6. Take away temporal death and eternal death is dethroned. Therefore Israel, in the indictments brought against them, is accused of sinning against the three glorious persons in the Godhead; yea, against each person distinctly, according to the Scriptures. First, against the Father, Deut. xxxii. 6 - the eternal Lawgiver, who promised to send his angel, the angel of the everlasting covenant, who would not pardon their unbelief; Exod. xxiii. 21-24. This was Christ, the Rock that followed them, whom they tempted, and by whom they were destroyed, I Cor. x. 9. Secondly, they sinned against Christ himself, the Rock that followed them; as it is written, "They lightly esteemed the Rock of their salvation," Deut. xxxii. 15. Thirdly, "They rebelled, and vexed his Holy Spirit, so that he was turned to be their enemy, and he fought against them," Isa. lxiii. 10. Thus the triune God is a swift witness against unbelieving and rebellious Israel, Mal. iii. 5.

So we see they sinned against the Lawgiver on the Mount, the Mediator in the cloud, and the Holy Spirit of all grace in Moses, Aaron, Miriam, &c. Explain away, therefore, the ever-blessed Trinity and the law is of no force; consequently down comes the throne of judgment. Justice stands on a precept, and judgment is the execution of a sentence by justice on the transgressors of a precept. "Justice and judgment are the habitation of Christ's throne:" Take away the first, and down comes the latter. With respect to a covenant of grace, the Father delivers the roll of his secret decrees, or book of life, to the Son, which none but himself is able to open, Rev. v. 2-5. The Son receives the book, and performs the conditions, Rev. v. 7; Psal. 1.7. The Holy Ghost appears both as the witness and sealer of the covenant, Rev. i. 4; iii. 1; and v. 1: and seals the testimony on the heart of every chosen disciple, Isa. viii. 16. Thus "there are three that bear record in heaven; the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost; and these three are one," I John, v. 7. Take away the divine witnesses, and the covenant of grace is of no force. Thus the Arian makes void both law and gospel; pulls down both the throne of grace and the throne of judgment; and opens a sluice for all the rapid floods of Atheism and Deism to pour in upon the Christian world.

If Christ be a real angel he cannot open the book, nor look thereon; for angels are creatures. He that redeems must be the Most High God, Psal. lxxviii. 35. If Christ be no more than a mere man, the angels are idolaters, Heb. iv. 6; the apostles are idolaters, Luke, xxiv. 52; and his redemption is void; for no man can redeem his brother, nor give to God a ransom for him, Psal. xlix. 7. If Christ be a creature, he is dead, and by no means the resurrection and the life; for no man "can keep alive his own soul," Psal. xxii. 29. If Christ be only man, cursed are they that make flesh their arm, and in heart depart from Jehovah, Jer. xvii. 5. And again, if Christ is not that God who made heaven and earth, he perishes, Jer. x. 11. But Christ is the Lord from heaven, I Cor. xv. 45; and blessed are they that trust in him, Psal. it. 12. But to return -

At Ditton, I was perpetually beset with the Arminians, who corrupted almost every soul that appeared to be the least serious. These things tried my soul exceedingly, being ignorant of such errors; for I had never read any erroneous books since God had brought me forth into the liberty of the gospel; therefore I knew not what to do with any error, except that of Arminianism; into which I had fallen at my first setting off, as is related in my Arminian Skeleton; wherefore I knew not what it meant; but all other errors were entirely new to me. Of the two, l would rather be a Deist than an Arminian; for an established Deist sears his own conscience so that he goes to hell in the easy chair of insensibility; but the Arminian, who wages war with open eyes against the sovereignty of God, fights most of his battles in the very fears and horrors of hell.

At Richmond, I had both the Arminian and Antinomian errors to cope with. The latter I had never heard of before; nor did I know what to do with so strange a beast, which seemed all tongue, but no heart. But I soon perceived that it was not a sheep, because there was no mark upon it, Ezek. ix. 6; nor could it feed upon the green pastures, Psal. lxxix. 13; and I saw that it was too noisy a creature to rest at noon, Cant. i. 7. I told the good people at Richmond, publicly from the pulpit, that that beast was sent as a snare to entangle and carry away two or three from among them; and that I secretly judged who those were. And my judgment was right; for those persons only were taken captive by that error. They soon afterwards got above all ordinances, and said the law was no more - nor was there any Sabbath or Lord's day to be regarded - and that all preaching was in vain.

Having waded two or three years through these floods of error, they began to be obstructed in their rapidity. The free-will Baptist at Farnham quitted the field for want of ammunition. The Arians from Guildford complained that they could not sit quietly under me; therefore they forsook the flock and the pastor with indignation; but I had rather they should hate the shepherd than kill the sheep. At Ditton also I prayed to God night and day and invited others at times to assemble with me in private prayer, for the removal of the Arminians. One night the very person that we had prayed to God to remove (and his wife also) called to inform me that they were going to leave the place. Thus God sent us an answer to our prayers by the person for whose removal we had earnestly prayed. From Richmond also our Antinomian hearers withdrew, having taken with them those persons whom we suspected were not living branches in the true vine, John, xv. 2.

After this storm had blown over I began to experience a little calm in my ministry, and hoped to find a cessation of arms. But, alas! it is "through much tribulation that we must enter into the kingdom of God!" For, soon after this whirlwind of error had ceased, I was brought to preach in London, in a chapel comparable to a homer's nest. At this place, a Deist preached on one night - an Antinomian on another - after that an Arian - then an Arminian - and next a man who preached that departed souls re-visited the earth again after death! However, God at length appeared and shut up the Arminian in the King's Bench. The Deist forsook the pulpit and took to the Pantheon. The Antinomian went to Scotland again, from whence he came. The Arian lost his custom and left his shop. But God enabled me to pray to him to look me out a place to preach in, that I might escape "from these mountains of leopards, and from the lion's den," Song, iv. 8. And, blessed be his holy name forever, he led me and my little flock to Bethel, where we have anointed the pillar. Poor David says, "I am a wonder to many;" and I think I may say, "So am I also." But I am a greater wonder to myself than to any other, considering myself as a person of neither parts, abilities, nor learning: nothing but a mere "bruised reed," and yet supported by the omnipotent hand of a most gracious God! I have stood amazed to think that I have not hitherto fallen. Nay, at times I have thought it was impossible for such a defenseless worm to wade through such oppositions, while so many, who seemed to be pillars, have given way. But these words have often been of great comfort to my soul, "The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide," Psal. xxxvii. 31. And again, "If I fall, I shall rise again; and, if I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me," Mic. vii. 8.

I found, in all these difficulties, that God balanced my troubles with many comforts; for, though erroneous men opposed me, yet God gave me the affections and ears of many pious souls. And, when I have preached so close a sermon that many formalists and hypocrites have railed at me, God has sent some poor soul sweetly blessed under the same. Thus "God, who comforteth those that are cast down comforted me by the coming of Titus." And I verily believe in my conscience, according to my judgment, that God has blessed me with as loving, as liberal, as sound, as humble, and as discerning a people in general, as any that I ever stood before; for whose use and benefit these my poor scribblings are chiefly intended: and may God bless them to the remnant of his chosen, whom I may leave behind when the poor weather-beaten coal-hearer is no more! Amen, and Amen.

Thus, courteous reader, I have told thee a little of the heads of the Lord's dealings with me, even as much as I can remember, and as exact as I am able to relate it at present, seeing it is about twelve years since the Lord was pleased to proclaim my liberty. But the pains of hell and the foretastes of heaven can never be truly painted in this life; no, not by the learned, much less by me. But, if my reader is a poor, doubting, tempted, self-condemned sinner, he may say," I have read all your temptations, and they are many, and a most merciful God has brought you through them all, but mine are worse than any that you have mentioned." I could not mention any of my temptations warrantably if the scriptures were silent about them; but, as they are not, I have taken care to mention those, and those only, which the Bible mentioned, and that in a plain way. I had one temptation, which followed me for fourteen months or more, worse by far than all those which I have here related, as it was leveled wholly at the ever-blessed Son of God. Satan levels his chief malice at the Saviour, for he is the "rock of offense." It was he who bruised Satan's head, and he will never forget it. If Satan can get us to fight against Christ, he has done the work, unless grace prevents it.

If the dreadful temptation about which I have been silent be hinted at in the Bible, it is in one of the following texts - "manifold," I Pet. i. 6. - "divers," Jam. i. 2 - "all manner," Rom. vii. 8. Howbeit, even this dreadful temptation was of use to me in the ministry; for I once found a poor awakened soul much dejected indeed, and desirous of unbosoming some sore conflicts; but they were too black to mention, and they were all against the dear Redeemer, the chief butt of Satan's fiery darts. The poor creature dropped a hint, and I guessed at the rest. I then mentioned mine to him, and the temptation lost its force; he obtained relief, and afterward much comfort. Upon the whole, I found, as Luther observes, that, "temptation, meditation, and prayer, make a minister." These temptations were of great use to 1474 me, even when I heard the gospel, as well as since I have been called to preach it; for, while I sat under the gospel, my temptations have been often so violent, that I could receive nothing from the pulpit unless it was clearly proved by the word of God. Sore temptations make a man look well both to the ground of his hope and to his way; for, if he has not God's warrant for his faith and hope, he cannot rest satisfied, because of the strong dispute between him and Satan. I remember once hearing a gentleman preach at Kingston, and his drift seemed to be chiefly intended to administer comfort to the people. He said, "Some of you are distressed because you have not experienced a deep law- work; you think your convictions have not been severe enough, therefore you are troubled on that account. But why so? What if God has put a live coal into your hearts by the back door, your business is to blow it up." Great joy was communicated to many by these expressions, and some who went home with me rejoiced exceedingly. I said nothing to them; but thought, if they placed so much faith on, and received so much comfort from, such unscriptural expressions as those, they were deceived; for what was there in those words that could hold them up in a trying hour? Nothing at all. But, as the wise man says, "The simple believeth every word; but a prudent man looketh well to his way." And I hope God will enable me, according to the little light given me, to cleave close" to the word of his grace, which is able to make us wise and build us up," through the spirit of faith, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Perhaps my reader may desire to know whether I was remarkably wicked before I was called. As I promised to slew, the black side as well as the bright, I will tell thee. From a child I was naturally prone to foolish jesting, and a mighty mimicker of people: and I believe I should have been a most wretched blasphemer, had not God followed me up with some cutting convictions, which I experienced for many years, until at last, they terminated in a real change of heart; for which I shall ever remain a debtor to sovereign grace. Indeed I had at times such lashes of conscience, that I have gone into the fields and wept for hours together; but when these convictions wore off I went on again, as usual, in a course of vanity.

As to gambling, I never detested it; nor did I ever learn to play a game at cards in my life. Plays also my soul hated. Fortune-telling I always thought was dealing with the devil, and so I do now. And I have often been grieved when I have seen the wanton daughters of Belial robbing their master's cellar and pantry to give to the gypsies, as a reward for telling their fortunes; which generally is a lying prediction about some man in love with them, whom they are soon to marry. This is the offspring of Mammon receiving the wages of unrighteousness from the offspring of Belial But I was very fond of jovial company, singing, ranting, jesting, telling stories, and the like, to make fools laugh: which I afterward paid dear for. These legal lashes of conscience are not sufficient to curb "a wild ass's colt," Job, xi. 12; he must be held in with a better "bit and bridle," Psal. xxxii. 9.

I have not related the base part of my life to encourage others to sin, but to slew why I was so sorely afflicted, and to leave it as a caution to others. If the true penitents scarcely are saved, where shall those who die impenitent appear? But, if my reader is desirous of inquiring more particularly into my pedigree, I must send him to the place of my nativity, which is Cranbrook, in the Weald of Kent. The house in which I was born lies between Goudhurst and Cranbrook, about the mid-way between the two parishes, but in the parish of Cranbrook. If a person walks from Goudhurst to Cranbrook on the main road, he comes to a little green, with what is called the Old Park on the left, and Glassenbury House, once the seat of Sir Walter Robarts, on the right hand. On that green is a road that turns to the left, and leads through the woods to Cranbrook. About a quarter of a mile from that green, on the high road, is a place called the Four Wents, where four roads or ways meet. At that place are three houses: a farm-house on the left hand, and two small houses on the right - in the first of those small houses, on the right hand, is the place where my mother brought me forth to see many an evil day. But, blessed be God, through rich grace, "I know in whom I have believed;" and I trust, through grace, that Jesus will "keep that which I have committed to him against that day."

Reader, fare thee well. Should any part of this narrative be of use to thee, glorify God on my behalf, and at a throne of grace remember him who is thine to serve with such as God has given him.

William Huntington S.S.