EXPERIENCE OF HULDAH ST. JOHN...

Another letter written by a dear sister in Christ during this bloody conflict - ed.

Brother Beebe:

The close of the year brings to my mind the reminiscences of the past. And I have to acknowledge what feelings of sincere gratitude, the goodness, mercy, and grace of God, who has in his all-wise Providence, preserved my unprofitable life through danger seen and unseen. And has freely given me of his grace in time of need. And yet this poor benighted heart of mine is often wandering from God and prone to forget his love and manifold blessings. Gloomy doubts and fears arise and make all prospects dark and dreary for a season. Oh, how sad it is to grope in darkness! To feel forsaken of the Dear Redeemer. As if his mercies were clean, gone forever. Were it not for the hope, I should be in agonies of despair. But hope is abiding and anchor of the soul, sure and steadfast. Yes, hope is Christ himself, our advocate in heaven, and one smile from him is sufficient to dispel all gloom and make me rejoice in him as the God and rock of my salvation.

Arise then you sun of righteousness, arise with healing under your wings, and transfuse your gentle but penetrating rays through all the spiritual powers of my wandering mind. Let Jesus be all and in all, surely he is the chiefest among 10,000 and the one altogether lovely. In every judgment, I would look unto Jesus, receive it as proceeding from his love, who is the author and finisher of our faith. Who, for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. In every tribulation, I am led to look unto Jesus to mark his glorious hand managing the scourge or mingling the bitter cup. And ready to take to make these seeming disasters productive of real good. In every infirmity and falling I have to look unto Jesus, the merciful high priest, pleading his atoning blood and making intercession for transgressors. In every prayer, in every temptation, I have to look unto Jesus, my prevailing advocate, the author of my strength, and the captain of my salvation.

He sank beneath our heavy woes,

To raise us to his throne, 

There's not a gift his hand bestows,

But cost his heart a groan.

And when the hour of my departure approaches; when my flesh and my heart fail; when all the springs of life are irreparably broken. I do trust through grace that I shall be able to look unto Jesus with a believing eye, and, like Stephen, behold him standing at the right hand of God, to succor his people in their last extremity. O then may I look steadfastly into Jesus, see by faith the Lord's Christ, view him as the only way to the everlasting mansions, as the only door to the abode of bliss, and be permitted to render unceasing praise to his holy name forever. 

My dear brethren in Christ. The present state of National Affairs is ominous of trial to the true Church of Christ and most naturally causes depression of feeling. But Brethren Zions, King Reigns, and will reign until he has put all enemies under his feet. Therefore let us not fear, but trust him for his grace, who does all things well. O that brotherly love may continue and abound among Old School Baptists throughout our land. My Christian friends, let us love one another as Christ has loved us, and ever look unto Jesus.

I cannot well close this communication. Without expressing how glad I am that the good Lord has preserved your life, brother Beebe through another year and in his Providence enabled you to continue your labors of love in editing the precious medium, the Signs of the Times, through which so many of the dear children of God are comforted and edified. Yet I do feel sad to realize that so many of our dearly beloved brethren in the ministry, from whom we have in times past received so many precious communications are erased from the Signs. But we are not rich yet, while we received the able editorials and occasionally such as savory bit from Elder Johnson's pen, together with many others. Let us thank God for our present favors and rely on his precious promises for the future. 

Yours in Christian love,

Huldah St. John

Otego, New York

December 30, 1861