SOT: EXPERIENCE OF ESTHER C. REDDING...

From The Signs of the Times 44:7 1 APR 1876, 79-80.

Esther Redding (1840-1881)

Esther Caroline Newton was the grandmother of Mae Redding Parrish, Lillian Redding Crowley, Hanon “Red” Redding, Nell Redding Parrish, and Mayme Lee Redding Wells. She was born in Lowndes (now Brooks) County, Georgia 3 Jan 1840. She was the daughter of William Newton and Margaret Ann Stringfield Newton. She married Wyatt Dukes in 1861. 

He joined Company H “Colquitt Marksmen”, 50th GA INF CSA at Moultrie, GA 4 Mar 1862 and was appointed 3rd Sgt. He died of Measles at Savannah, 4 Apr 1862. On 2 Jan 1866, she married William Nathaniel Redding, son of John Forbes Redding and Sarah Milton Redding. The accompanying portrait is said to have been her wedding picture. To this union was born three sons and three daughters. In 1864, she united with Bethel Primitive Baptist Church, near her home in Brooks County. In 1868, she and her husband moved their letters to Cat Creek Primitive Baptist Church, Lowndes County, where she remained a member until her death. She died in 1881, giving birth to an infant which did not survive her. She was buried at Union “Burnt Church” Primitive Baptist Church, Lowndes, now Lanier County.

In 1876, at the request of her brother-in-law Elder Timothy William Stallings, she wrote an account of her experience of Grace, which is copied below.
Lowndes County, Ga., Oct. 12, 1876

MY DEAR BROTHER T.W. STALLINGS: -- If I am not deceived, I do earnestly desire to comply with your request. Surely there never was one that ever made the attempt to write upon the subject of Christian experience who felt as weak and unworthy as I do. I have tried to ask God, in as humble a manner as I know how, time after time, to make known to me in some way whether it would be right in his sight for me to make the attempt to write out what I sometimes hope it has been his glorious will to reveal to me, who, if not deceived, feels to be less than the least of his children, if one at all. It seems if I am not deceived, that if my prayer has been answered it is in this way: the impression seems to grow heavier and heavier, and comes so forcibly to my mind at times that I hardly have strength to stand. Then, if it is a duty I owe to God and to his dear children, O may it be his holy and blessed will to enable me, by his Spirit, to write in the way that seemeth right unto him. 

I do believe that every child of grace who has been brought to a knowledge of the truth as it is in Jesus, has been made to feel that without him they can do nothing. I humbly hope and trust that I feel my entire dependence upon him who has all power in heaven above and on the earth beneath, and who works all things after the counsel of his own will.

In 1864, at the first part of the twenty-fifth year of my life, I became troubled and distressed. It seemed that something said to me, “If you die in your sins, where God is you cannot come.” It was then and there I viewed myself to be the most miserable sinner upon the face of the earth. I tried to pray to God to have mercy on me; but seemingly I grew worse. I travelled on this way, day after day, with such a burden upon me that I could not rest. I thought there was no one like me, that I was one by myself. My desire was to be absent from every body, away in some lonesome place, and there sit down and pour out my cries and ask God to be merciful to me, a poor, wretched, guilty sinner. I would go to meeting, and read my bible, but could find no relief. 

At length I awoke from sleep one night, and these words appeared to my mind: “take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart.” O, I thought of these words a great deal; I thought I knew they were the words of the Savior; but could it be possible that such a sinful creature as I viewed myself to be could ever be permitted to wear the yoke of that meek and lowly lamb of God, who knew no sin? I could not think they were for me, nor could I forget them. Soon after this, these words appeared to me: “Behold his reward is with him, and his work before him.” I thought these words were all scripture, but I could not claim any of them. Sometime after this there was a beautiful verse that seemed to be fastened upon my mind, which appeared to me to be a promise of God to his dear children:

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee they deepest distress.”

I thought if I could know that it was given to me as a promise of God, I would be relieved. I wanted to sing it nearly all the time, but was afraid someone would notice me. I tried to pray to God to make known to me whether I could claim it as a promise or not. 

A short time after this, one night, it seemed I was so troubled and stressed I wanted to read. I took the candle and went into my room, and got down upon my knees, beside the place where I kept my books, and picked up my hymn book, and as I did so there was the most beautiful verse I ever heard passed through my mind. Just as one word would come, it was gone, and I could not recall one word of it. It was then and there upon my knees that I tried to ask God to pardon my many sins that seemed to be weighing me down, and to reveal that beautiful verse to me again. It was my almost constant desire to know what it was. 

Not many days after this, one morning, on returning from the cow-pen, it seemed that it pleased God to reveal this glorious verse to me again. It reads thus:

“Hark! My soul, it is the Lord,

‘Tis the Savior, hear his word;

Jesus speaks, and speaks to thee,

Say, poor sinner, lovest thou me?”

I was walking along with my head down, bowed down in my feelings, and it came to me as plain as though some one had spoken it aloud, though I heard no voice. I raised my head and looked around me, and I was almost made to exclaim, like Thomas of old, “My Lord and my God.” 

There appeared to my view a bright, beautiful star, and all around it was as dark as any midnight I ever saw. Now it seemed I could claim this other verse without a doubt. This last verse I never had seen or heard that I remember, and did not know it was upon record, though it was an easy matter to find it now. But I had not gone many steps before I was made to doubt whether it was the work of God or not. I felt perfectly miserable before I reached the house. But I went right off and got my book and I looked for this beautiful verse, and found it just as it appeared to me.

It seems I had not been brought low enough yet. I had to be brought to feel my entire dependence upon the all-wise God, before I could lay hold on any of his precious promises. I travelled on in this condition for several days. At length one day it seemed to me that I could not work, I was so troubled and distressed. I went into my room and laid down, and fell asleep, and dreamed that I was standing upon the brink of a bottomless pit, and saw no way of escape. I had not power to move my feet one particle. Right before me, upon the very edge of this place, was sitting the most innocent looking little child that I ever saw, with its feet hanging off, looking right up into my face. I saw no chance for it to get away without help. I looked down into that awful place, and said, If I fall in, I shall forever perish. Then I raised my hands above my head and looked up and said, Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy! And as soon as I had said this, I felt perfectly free. I stepped forward to that dear little child, took it up in my arms, and went away feeling so light that it appeared to me that I would rise clear of the ground. Then I awoke and went immediately back to my work. But I did not stay there, for I felt so rejoiced that I could not keep my tears hid. I left the house and went off by myself, and wept for joy – yes, joy unspeakable; for all my troubles were gone, and I was made to rejoice in God as the salvation of my soul. 

Then I felt to say, blessed be God forevermore. For he had taken my feet from a horrible pit and out of the miry clay, and placed them upon a rock, a sure foundation, which is Jesus Christ, and put a new song in my mouth, even praise to his holy name. Blessed be that true and living God, who hath saved us and called us with a holy calling; not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began. 

Those beautiful verses seemed more bright to me now than before. I wanted to tell some one what I hoped I had experienced; but doubts and fears soon arose, and I was afraid I was deceived in the whole matter. I now had a desire to be united with the Old Primitive Baptists, for they were the only people I had ever heard tell my feelings. It seemed to me that I loved them the most of any people on the earth. I wanted to be baptized, but my feelings were such that it appeared to me I could not be received if I did offer myself to the church. I wanted better evidence. I tried, time and again, to ask God to show me in some way whether or not it was his blessed and holy will for me to be united with his dear children or not, and these words appeared in my mind:

“Kindred in Christ, for his dear sake,

A hearty welcome here receive.”

This seemed to be a pressing invitation to the church of Christ, and it was comforting to me. I felt so unworthy and poor that I did not offer myself to the church in some time. One day, while meditating upon these glorious things, these words were applied to my mind: “Yield to the Savior’s voice.” 

Not long after this, while at meeting one Saturday, when the door of the church was opened for the reception of members, my whole desire was to go; but I did not feel like I could, until the very last lines of the last hymn were given out, which were these:

“Now is the time, the accepted day,

Arise, he bids you come.”

I thought I could not stay away any longer. I arose from my seat, fearing and trembling, and went up to tell a part of what I hoped I had experienced. I was received, and on the next morning was baptized. 

When I went into the water I was distressed, for fear I was doing wrong; but when I came out of the water my feelings were the same as when I received a hope. I seemed so light, a part of that day, it seemed I had no weight about me; but before I reached home that evening, doubts and fears arose, and I thought I was deceived, and had deceived the church of Christ, or a part that composed the body and bride of Christ; for lovely and dear they appeared to me. 

My feelings were such as I cannot express. I thought if I could get any evidence I was deceived, I would go right to the church and tell them to take my name off, for I was not the subject they took me to be. My feelings continued in this way until Tuesday morning. I went where I thought no one would see me, and got down upon my knees, and tried to ask God, in as humble a manner as I knew how, to make it known to me in some way whether I was deceived or not. 

Soon after this these words were applied to my mind: “Because I live, ye shall live also.” “Ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” I was made to rejoice again, feeling that I had discharged the duty God had enjoined upon me, and that I was to follow my Lord and Master in his footsteps and commands. Then, dear brother, if we are dead, and our life is hid with Christ in God, when Christ, who is our life, shall appear, we shall also appear with him in glory.

“O glorious day! O blessed hope!

My soul leaps forward at the thought.”

For when he appears, we shall be like him, and shall see him as he is, and praise him as we ought. I feel to say that if I am saved at all it is by the sovereign grace of Almighty God; for in me, that is in my flesh, dwells no good thing. When I would do good, evil is present with me, and how to perform that which is good I find not. We find there is no other name under heaven given among me whereby we must be saved, only in and through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Although my way through this life seems a dark and thorny one, yet now and then a glimpse of light is given, to show my wandering feet the way. Now and then a little crumb is given, which keeps my soul from sinking in despair. When I can meditate seemly aright upon these glorious things, they seem to be a heavenly feast to my soul. Not long since, I hope it pleased God to show me, in a dream, that beautiful highway spoken of by Isaiah. 

“No lion nor any ravenous beast shall go up thereon; but the redeemed of the Lord shall walk there. And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads; they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.” 

I thought I saw my way clear, to this holy city, this exalted habitation. 

Now, dear brother, I feel that I must close. I fear I have said a great deal more than I ought. But if I am not deceived, I have been constrained to write what I have; for I had come to the place where I thought I could neither live nor die satisfied, if I did not comply with the request. I cannot tell anyone of the feelings I have had since you first requested me to write this account, which has been about eight or nine years, though it did not seem to bear with much weight upon my mind until about two years ago. I have tried to be as brief as possible. Now I have a desire to say, if this worthless piece (as it seems to me that it will be such to God’s chosen flock) does accord with your feelings, ascribe all the praise, honor and glory to that true and living God who is worthy to receive it, and remember your poor, little, unworthy sister at the throne of grace. 

May the God of peace and love be with us, and direct us all through life, and save us in death. I humbly hope this is my prayer for Jesus’ sake.
Esther C. Redding