THOMAS MACER - EXPERIENCE

Every believer can in his heart of hearts feel for themselves the experience of this saint - ed.

Evansville IN. April 12th, 1858.

Brother Beebe:

Having been a reader of the Signs of the Times, but for a short time. And being so well satisfied with the doctrinal matter contained in the communications of the brothers and sisters, as also the editorials, with the relations of many of their soul travelings, having received so much comfort from the same, it has created a desire in my heart to try to cast in my mite. Thinking probably, it may, (if it be the Lord's work,) be of some comfort to some of the Lord's tried family. But where shall I begin? I do not know of any better place than where I hope the Lord began with unworthy me. I was born in a far distant land from this. My father was an Old School Baptist and I was compelled to go with him to meeting often, contrary to my desire. Until I would go no longer for the company of godly people was no pleasure to me, because I was delighted in sin, for that was my element, such as frolicking, dancing, etcetera. At that time, I despised all professors of religion, especially the Old Baptists. I would sometimes go to hear the Methodists and make promises to myself that I certainly would be better and not live so ungodly anymore. They spoke of an eternal hell and that unless we made our peace with God and accepted his offered mercy, we should be eternally lost.

These things often made me make promises. But as sure as I made them, so sure was I to break them. I was about 20 years of age and had not enjoyed as much pleasure in sin as I desired. Consequently, I promised that when I got older I would take to the religious life, for I verily thought that I would have religion when I chose. I also thought that I was as good as those, or at least many of them, who professed religion. And if any of the Saints of God stepped a little aside from the obedient path, it would be a matter of rejoicing with me.

Brother Beebe, How careful are the children of God to be in their walk so as not to give the enemy any cause to gainsay or resist. In this condition, I continued for two or three years. And should have done so until now, if the Lord had not shown me my true condition. Making promises that when I would be older I would perform, but my promises were always sure to be broken.

About this time the Baptist had a new preacher, and there was so much talk about his being such a good preacher that I was induced to go and hear him. I will remember a remark made in my hearing after the meeting was out by one of the members to my father and that Thomas was at meeting today, he also asked me how I liked the preaching. The answer I made was that I liked it very well. Not knowing anything good or bad preaching, for it was all alike to me. This was in the summer. During this time they built a new meeting house at which I became a regular attendant. I now thought I was getting along very well and sometimes; thought God would save me, but I little knew the plague of my wicked and depraved heart until the Lord sent his word with power to my soul. It was about Christmas 15 or 16 years ago. I remembered a time as if it were yesterday.

The text was taken from the 9th chapter of Saint John. "Do you believe in the son of God?" At the close of the discourse, the preacher desired all to ask themselves to what they believed. On the son of God. And the Lord sent his own word with power to my soul, that I shall never forget. The text would run through my mind hundreds of times. "Do you believe in the son of God? And I often could say no.

I now saw and felt different than ever I had in my life before. But thought that it would work off my mind as other impressions had. Now my sins began to look me in the face, but I tried to drive them away by going in company with my acquaintance, but all to no purpose. I went home a guilty and miserable man, hoping that sleep would drive away such thoughts. But instead of sleeping, my sins lay heavy upon me. I could now adopt the language of the Prophet, "Woe is me, for I am undone. I am a man of unclean lips."

When I arose the next morning, the words were fresh on my mind. "Do you believe in the son of God?" My answer was no. That day I was working with my father and I remember helping his saying that he had enjoyed a very pleasant morning looking over the things he heard yesterday. I said to myself that I never experienced such a miserable one. I now began to wish I was out of his company, for he would be talking often about the Lord Jesus Christ, and I was in hopes if I got away from him, these things would pass from my mind. I tried with all the strength that I had to get rid of my burden. I now began to break off my sins by my righteousness, and a throne of Grace was frequented by me. But no relief could I obtain. According to my desire, the time came that I was placed by myself from my father. But still, my distress did not leave me and instead of getting relief, my burden was heavier than ever. I now began to get very lean, so that my companions all often would remark how poor I was getting. But they did not know what was the matter with me, for I never told anyone. In this condition, I remained about six months, during which time my mind was very tender of sin, for I now saw God to be a just God, and I was a very great sinner so that I was made often to cry out what must I do? I had before thought my prayer for both was worth something. But they now appear to me to be useless.

About this time I will remember to my shame that I went with another young man to a place of worldly amusement, dancing, drinking, reveling, etcetera. This I did for the purpose of relieving my mind of its distress. I thought I had accomplished my object, but I had no sooner gotten out of the place than my sins began to rebound with double force, not only for sinning with my eyes open but also for taking that young man with me because he did not want to go in. Now sleepless nights and troublesome days were my portions, but here let me say. I could not help praying day and night.

My brother. If I may use the term. I cannot help trembling while I am penning these few lines to you when I think of my sins, and along forbearance of a covenant-keeping God to one so unworthy. But when the set time to deliver my soul from bondage cane. He sent his own word, which was this. "Shall the prey be taken from the mighty or the lawful captive delivered?" Which brought such relief to my soul that I shall never forget as long as I live and retain my senses. But there was something in it I could not understand. I got the Bible. But could not find the passage. And in the afternoon I had a thousand thoughts about how the prey could be taken from the mighty as also a lawful captive delivered. And yet it gave me much relief.

I was now living with a good man, one that feared God but had not publicly acknowledged him. One evening I thought I would ask him about it, so I asked him, and while asking him, I could not refrain from weeping. He told me that although the Lord's children were let captive by the devil, and he was a mighty enemy, yet he was not almighty, for the Lord will deliver them from him. So the lawful captive should also be delivered. He also asked me several questions, which I answered as well as I could. He gave me to understand that it was a work of the Lord and tried to encourage me. And my burden was gone, and I was led to know by experience that salvation was all of grace from first to last. I also saw that the Lord's work was irresistible, for I had tried all in my power to stop God's work. I could now rejoice in God, my savior. I now could with the church, say "he is the chiefest among 10,000 and altogether lovely." And those people I had so much despised before, I now saw the loveliest. I would like to be in their company. To hear them talk of the way the Lord hath led them, and compare my experience with theirs. But still, I was afraid they would ask me some questions, for I sometimes thought that perhaps mine was not a work of the Lord. And I did not want to deceive anyone. Then again, I would receive assurance from the Lord that I was his and that he loved me long before I loved him; that he had called me by his grace, that I was his. I had not told my mind till my friend and told him not to tell anyone else. Duty began to manifest itself to me; that as the Lord had done such great things for me, and had done what all the men in the world could not do, that he had revealed his Son in me, the hope of glory, called me by his grace that I ought to obey his commandments and follow him practically. And these portions of Scripture pointing to our duty were often enforced to my understanding. "If you love me, keep my commandments." "You are not your own." "He that believes and is baptized shall be saved." "Take up your cross and follow me." "Be followers of God as dear children." When I witnessed the ordinance of baptism, how I would wish it was me to be baptized. I saw such beauty in it to follow Jesus. But there was going. First, going before the church to relate my experience. For, without doubt, I could not be received. I would sometimes think of my friend. He was a good man and was not baptized, and I felt assured he would be saved. He now became a great stumbling block to me, for I often gave heed to his conduct and not following the Lord in Baptism, and argued it against the Lord's command. I would just say to such if any should read this to be careful not to despise the Lord's command, and not stand as a stumbling block to any of the Lord's tried family and you lambs of Jesus. Discharge your duty and it will be well. At one time, while thus reasoning, these words came with great force. "What is that to you follow you me" still I neglected my duty.

About this time I had some thoughts of emigrating to this country, which I did, and arrived in the place where I now reside in December 1844 when I tried to find the Baptists. I hunted but could not find them. I went out in the country and heard a man preach a funeral discourse. He was an Old School Baptist and I liked him very well, but could not find any here that suited me. At last, I obtained a Presbyterian hymnbook which contained their articles of faith, and it suited me in every respect except baptism. So I went to hear them preach. I had not been many times to hear them before the preacher and deacon visited me. We had a considerable conversation, and as my duty was fresh on my mind and being young, I had not much judgment. So with their inducements, I consented to become a member with them. But there was one thing I wanted them to decide first. That was the ordinance of baptism. So they endeavored to make it appear that it made no difference whether we were sprinkled or immersed. But this did not satisfy me. For I would not consent to be sprinkled. The preacher told me that if I would insist upon being immersed, he would get a man to baptize me, but would not do it himself. After considerable conversation, I told them I understood that I was sprinkled when I was a baby. This was done before my parents became Baptists. They said that was enough. I didn't consent and expected to have to go before the church and relate my experience. But nothing of that, for I was a member already, but my mind was not relieved concerning baptism. I continued with them. After some time until I began to see that their preaching and articles of faith did not agree. Neither didn't agree with the scripture in my experience. I now had some thoughts of leaving them for did not know where to go. I became attached to some of the Members, but when I came from meetings I would talk to my wife and sister about the preaching and endeavor to show them it contradicted the word of God. I have been at meetings when I could hardly sit on my seat and in my mind condemn almost all the discourse. About this time I became acquainted with the Missionary Baptists and would go to their meetings, and join them in prayer and Bible class meetings. The preacher, learning that I was dissatisfied, told me the door was open for me at any time to join them. But I found that would not better my condition in the least. For they had only the name of Baptists, but not the doctrine. I saw no difference between them, the Presbyterians and Methodists. For all were Arminians. Finally, I heard a few despised people called "Ironside" Baptists. But they were very bad sort of people and called by many hard names. But notwithstanding their name, I must go and hear them. One of their members heard of my desire and called into my house, and I went with him, but the preacher was not there, so I returned, determined to settle where I was with the Presbyterians. But that could not be for, I felt, not at home. The preacher now hearing of my running after the Old Baptists did not like it very well. So, he visited me. We had some talk about the doctrine of predestination, to which we agreed. He said he did not know that I. Wanted to leave. For if I did, he would give me a letter of good standing, which I did not want. However, he left it at my house. I went again to hear these people and Brother Piper was there, and if anyone had told him my thoughts, he could not have told him any plainer than he did. Also how he exalted a precious Jesus laying man low. This was food for the hungry. This was a time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord to me. Grace! Free Grace! was esteemed, and I hope it will be as long as he lives. I now thought that this was my people, no matter by what name they may be called, and after hearing them a few more times, I was satisfied that I could live with them if they would receive me.

In August 1849, I came before the church and related some of the Lord's dealings with my unworthy self and was received and baptized by Elder B.B. Piper. Now, and not till now was my conscience clear of discharging my duty. But since that time many trials, distresses, disappointments, and hardness of heart, as well as many refreshing seasons, have I experienced with these people. And, if spared, expect many more. For it is through much tribulation we are to enter the Kingdom.

Brother Bebe. Do with these lines as you may think proper and all will be right with me.

I remain your unworthy brother in the best of bonds.

Thomas Macer

April 12, 1858

Signs of the Times