EXPERIENCE OF ELDER JOSEPH L STATON

I was born in Worcester County, Maryland in the year 1836 on the 18th day of June.

 My parents were both old school or primitive Baptist before I was born, my father preaching the gospel before my memory commences and likely before I was born. I have heard him say he was a bound boy in the state of Virginia. Raised at hard work but with little to eat and no education, when he was 18 years old he came to Maryland and soon after married my mother, Mary, given. He worked in pleasant weather, and when it was not fit to work, he went to school or studied reading or writing at home until he could attend to almost any business, and was elected to some prominent and important offices and entrusted with some very important business. He was of a bright, cheerful disposition and was an able sound gospel preacher. He died in May 1854, being 56 years old. My mother was a quiet, unassuming woman. She lived 20 years after my father's death and died in her 85th year.

My first thought of leaving this world, and an existence beyond and after those who lived in this world, was and is the first thing of interest my mind goes back to, and perhaps as early in life as I was capable of retaining anything. My older brothers and sisters say I was not over three or four years old. At least my oldest sister says she carried me in her arms. One of our neighbors was buried and my father preached a funeral discourse. Or I suppose he did, but I remember nothing till we went to the grave and the coffin was lowered down in the grave. A strange, lonely, desperate feeling came over me, and I wondered what would become of that man if they covered him up in the ground and left him there. I seemed to have some idea that the man would be very lonely and desolate there, covered in that dark cell, and the people all going away to leave him. And I wondered how he would ever get out of there. Also, a verse of poetry that my father read or quoted at the grave made a lasting impression. Indeed, sufficient never to leave me, for I did not see it or know it was in print for many years after it was this.

Hark from the tomb A doleful sound. 

My ears attend to the cry. 

You living Men, come view the ground where you must shortly lie.

I seem to realize then and there that it was the way of all the earth, and there must be another world, another place of existence somewhere, for human beings that left this world many, many times. Has my mind gone back to that time and place? I remember as well. Today, how things appeared to me that day is how they appear to me today. And the resurrection of the body is as great a mystery to me today as it was that day, although I do hope I have learned many things since then. I have learned in part to obey through the things I have suffered. My life since has become a mixture of joy and sorrow. Of sorrow because of my wickedness and joy, because sometimes I am enabled by faith to believe that my eyes have been opened to see and know good from evil, and to know that in me that is in my flesh, there dwells no good thing.

I have nothing special to say for many years of my life, only on continually wicked and seemingly careless, profane, thoughtless life. But as I now look back in my mind, I know that many were the dark and sorrowful hours, even in my wildest and most thoughtless days and years, that I was constantly doing, saying, and thinking things that in themselves appear hateful. Which sometimes gives me the hope that in my youth I partook of the. Tree of knowledge of good and evil and became a sensible Sinner or transgressor and had a desire even then to do the things that I found now not how to perform.

You will see by date that I was not 18 years old when my father died. But notwithstanding all my obedience and wickedness as a child to my father, his death fell heavily upon me. I then knew that a great blessing to me was gone, never to return, which I did not appreciate rightly while he was living. I still live with my mother and can recall many things in my wicked career that I am ashamed to speak of. Even then they gave me much trouble and I made many resolutions that if I lived to be older and settled in life that I would reform and live very differently. And even made calculations that a Reformation would make me a different man, not only in the sight of man but also in the sight of God. For I yet believe Christians were good people, or at least they were not sinners, transgressing the law of God daily as I was. And I wonder yet sometimes how the good master above can be reconciled to and with such a Sinner as I am so Unreconciled. To him, and sometimes almost rebellious. It is indeed a great mystery, God manifest in the flesh. 

I forget sometimes that God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself, and he was only giving us the word of Spirit and reconciliation. We have received a spirit of adoption, and by that spirit comes or springs the desire to be reconciled and to say Thy will be done. The Savior whilst here had a mind or will, which he says he did not come to do, but the will of him that sent him. After living five years with my mother, giving her a great deal of trouble, and, I must think not much pleasure, my mind seemed. Settled to try and get a companion to share with me the sorrows and trials of life and the joys if there should be any in store for me. In this, I was wonderfully blessed with a helpmate and true companion in life. Her name was Louise J. Tilghman. A true-hearted, noblewoman. Her mother was a Methodist. Her father made no profession but seemed to have some understanding of the truth. Not long after this great event in life, my wife began at intervals to tell me about her experience. Which I am now satisfied with the work of the Holy Spirit in bringing her to a knowledge of the truth. She soon became sentiment. A Baptist received them gladly and loved to see them and hear them preach and talk. It seems to be now that my nature was such that I could not be as kind to her as I should have been. But the longer we live together, the stronger the tide of bound us seemed to become. We struggled hard together for many years, being blessed with eight children, of which five still live. 

Our experience seemed to be almost the same as we journeyed in life for years, but we could say but little to each other about the things of the Spirit. For myself, I could say almost nothing to her of any trouble or sorrow on account of sin, for I thought she could have no confidence in my sincerity. For the most part at the time we kept going to old Baptist meetings. And but little anywhere else not knowing why we went or what we went for. I still remember one morning we went 12 miles to meeting. When the forest was on fire and the smoke and sea, sea fog was so thick that it was necessary for me to walk ahead of the horse for miles to feel for the road, and my wife sitting in the carriage, could not see me part of the time, although I was on had on a light coat. I have never seen so dark a time before or since. Day or night? And when we got to the meeting, neither of us could tell anyone why we were so anxious to go. We knew we loved to see them and hear the preaching. But neither of us yet dared to claim a hope in the mercy of God. We continue to go to meeting and our interests seemed to get deeper and more heartfelt. I was looking forward to the time. When we should be given a hope for I did not think of having a hope only as I would express it sometimes, a hope for a hope. I had a strong desire and a Good Hope that we should sometime become Christians and fit subjects for membership or to be baptized and make a profession of Christianity. I do not remember all these years from 1840 to 1873. 

That I ever had a single doubt about who or where the church was, or of having a single suggestion to my mind as to joining any other persuasion, or of making any profession, but having the hope of some time being numbered with believers, and of course, was looking ahead with some anxiety. As to the time when the time would come. During these long weary years, we had many trials to endure losses, crosses, and disappointments, losing two of our children in the time. But we enjoyed many blessings also. We had reasonable health and success in business and had accumulated something of the world's goods for all of which we felt too unworthy of and unthankful for. It seemed to me that of all men, I should be the most thankful and never murmur again at disappointment or loss. But all at once it seemed that the greatest and sadest disappointment of all that ever had been or could come in this life was coming, or had already come. For I had been hoping these many long years, that I should one day be a Christian, and such a one as would be blessed with a name and place among them. But instead of getting near the church, church, as I suppose I should, I was getting farther away all the time, and I had just now come to see it. That was the way things appear to me for my idea to get better by little till the fitness appeared. 

For membership and I would make application and would be received. But to my astonishment, surprise, and disappointment, I had been and was going backward all the time, and here I seemed to lose all hope of ever being what I had hoped for so long. For I saw that perfect righteousness and holiness were required to see the Lord or to make a profession of his name. And as I was all unrighteousness, even much worse than I had ever imagined before, this view of things, and my sad disappointments, as I remember them, seemed to destroy all hope either in this world. Already turning? Yet the desire for holiness remained. If there could be justification and forgiveness of such exercises, I think we're in the year 1871, and about that time I trust the eyes of my understanding were opened more clear to see. How sinners could be and were saved, or how the Sinner could be and was justified before God and still be a Sinner, even such a one as I was. I thought then that God could be just and also the destroyer of the ungodly. His unrighteousness seemed perfect and perfected in us. It exceeded the unrighteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, for they only obey in the letter, whilst he obeyed in the Spirit and became our Savior. There was really hope for sinners and it was a lively or living hope for because he lives, we hope.

About this time my mind was more particularly directed to the scriptures, not so much to reading them as to meditating on what I had read and as they would come up in my mind. Some that I had read and did not understand and other things too wonderful for me, although it seemed to me. I could not make a profession, for I might be deceived. And yet it was Reason to hope for salvation from sin and for the vilest of the vile. "If you will, you can make me clean." My mind for about two years was almost constantly on the scriptures and my own duty concerning them, and whilst I was not ready or willing to make a profession, I found myself exhorting and advising others who seemed troubled like I was. I never shall be able to tell of my deep concern for two years, not only for myself but also for others. 

The great moving cause of all things, in truth, seemed dear to me, and I was constantly trying to tell in my blundering way, how things appeared unto me. Are frequently thought of preaching the gospel, not with any idea that I should ever be unable to preach. Really. I do not think I had any idea what preaching was, but I keep thinking about it. And what a glorious calling to be called to comfort those that mourned, and to open the prison doors to them that are bound. Everything else seemed to lose its beauty and interest to me. In my zeal, I corresponded with some of the preachers asking questions about the Scriptures until they would occasionally say something about my way of preaching, which made me think more seriously about what preaching really was. 

I soon began to think it was explaining the Scriptures and applying them in the promises to those who were in trouble and concern about themselves and what the Scriptures contained. To speak comfortably to anyone that was lost was to speak of salvation for such point them to the Lamb of God. Tell them of the way I had found that sinners could be and were saved. I would have liked to ever so much to do that, but I could not. For they seemed mysterious. I was constantly making inquiries myself and I could not understand, and certainly, what seemed so mysterious to me I could not explain to others. It seemed to me then that the ministers of the Gospel understood perfectly all the scriptures, and it was necessary they should. But I failed to remember the questions that were in my mind. Many of them have followed me until now, more perhaps, than would be interesting in this narrative.

 I shall now speak more particularly of my baptism and of the difficulties and trials after about the 1st of July 1873. While reading one evening in the hymn book, my mind seemed particularly drawn to these words.

Dear Lord, the ardor of thy love. 

Reproves my cold delays.

I was made willing then and there to ask for a place with those that I fully believed to be his followers. The time was fixed. That the first opportunity should not pass, but I was disappointed in my first attempt, one of my children being so sick that it was made imprudent to leave home. For the subject of my baptism was on my mind, and then I was privileged to go. I was received and baptized and became a member of the church that had no stated preaching. But meant once a month for prayer and praise. Now came one of the most severe trials of my life. 

There seemed to be no gift in the church. At least if there was, there was none manifest. Some of them would read a chapter, sing some hymns, and go home. Here my mind was directed to the subject of prayer. Many times have I prayed that my mouth might be open to speak in prayer. I would have given anything and everything for the strength to make the attempt. I wanted to say something, but the meeting would be opened by prayer. And that I could not do. For I felt sure that an effort would prove such a failure as to mortify me and the brethren. And tend to destroy their love and confidence in me, which was very dear to me. And worst of all, it would be but mockery in the sight of God. For about two years I continued to go, hoping all the time to be strengthened to what seemed my duty and a great privilege and relief. During this time, some of the Brethren and the Ministry advised me to make the attempt as the only source of relief. About this time six members, including myself, organized, and a church was constituted in Snow Hill, Worcester County. Some of them were from Salisbury, where my membership was, and some were from the churches. We immediately called Elder TM Poulson of Virginia as our pastor. He accepted. 

The called and appointed to meet with us one Sunday, and each month he served us as faithfully as possible, but living a distance of 20 miles away, he occasionally failed to come. And at such times I generally read a chapter and talked a few minutes, but never attempted to speak in prayer till the church made an appointment for me and urged me to comply with their request. When I consented to do so, it was with a vow if permitted to do so. To do so, I to open my mouth in prayer. Then came a very severe trial for a short time in reference to my duty. And I could think of but little else till the end came, when my mouth was opened, and one of the most sincere, heartiest, earnest prayers I've ever uttered was dead. And I found such relief that I hope that the trial was over, but I was sadly mistaken. For I have yet. Have many misgivings and trials in speaking in prayer. The church continued the appointments for me and proffered me the liberty to go wherever and whenever called for by other churches. 

This was in the spring of 1879, and during the following summer, by request, some days I attended these appointments, two in the daytime, one in the evening. There is During this entire year my family was more or less sick and until the 12th day of August, my dear companion in life was called home, which seemed for the time more than I could bear up under. But the Lord sustained me by His grace, for he had not yet called for me. I was very often sick throughout the week, but always able to go to meetings when Sunday came. As I remember, I did not miss an appointment on account of my own sickness. 

In the fall of 1879, the Salisbury Association met with the church at Snow Hill where my membership was, and I needed a previous call from the church for my ordination. The Presbytery was composed of a number of brethren and the following ministers, Elders, Gilbert Beebe. William J Purrington, Silas H Durand, AB, Francis Ephriam Rittenhouse, and TM Polson. I was then and there regularly set apart by prayer and laying on of hands to the work of the ministry, and immediately called by the church at Fishing Creek to serve them as pastor and to preach for them once in two months. Which call like selected, and have served them as the Lord has been with me since.

In the spring of 1880. The church at Snow Hill, Newcastle County, Delaware, is called Welsh Tract sent me an invitation to visit them once a month. And also the London Tract Church, Chester County, Pennsylvania sent the same invitation. Both of which I accepted. I visited them several months when both churches expressed a desire for me to move my family to Delaware and become a pastor of those two churches. In the spring of 1881, I and my family moved to Newcastle County, Delaware, and settled on a little farm near Newark, and I began to serve these two churches regularly. In addition to the church at Fishing Creek, Dorchester County, Maryland. During this time, or in the fall of 1880, the Lord blessed me with another companion in life, a good Christian woman and an established Old School Baptist, which has proved a helpmate indeed. I am at this writing on June 8th, 1883, just 47 years old, with a family of six children and a second wife, the youngest child being hers. Three of my first wife's children have passed away to be with their dear mother, in the immediate presence of the great judge of all things and the giver of all good. I am yet serving those three churches from time to time, as the Lord is pleased to be with me.

After speaking somewhat of the churches I serve. And of their present condition, I propose to go back in my mind and speak somewhat of my trials, difficulties, and deliverances in the ministry.

The Welsh Tract church is the First Baptist Church organized in America and at one time before the division of separation, I think it numbered over 200 members. Since then the church and congregation have been much smaller. When I came here, there were 57 members since then. Three have passed away and three have been baptized, leaving the number the same, but very much scattered, several being old and infirmed. Our communicants at our quarterly meeting seldom exceed 37 and the congregation from 100 to 125.

The London Tract church was also organized a great many years ago but has always been small, the present membership being only 17 and the congregation of 75 to 100. Many in each congregation seemed to love the truth.

The Fishing Creek church is very small, having since my recollection been sustained with from 7 to 12 members and a congregation of 75 to 100, generally very attentive to the word. The mercy of the Lord and the power of His Grace have been wonderfully manifest in sustaining this Church under many discouraging circumstances for years at a time, with no male member or Deacon, one of the sisters acting as Deacon and clerk. Yet they never failed to correspond with the sister Church and to keep up their regular church meetings.

One of my greatest conflicts through life has been with my own evil heart of unbelief. I have often thought If sufficient evidence was given to me that I was qualified to preach the gospel of the grace of God, it would be a great privilege. As I have often said to myself, I had rather be a gospel minister to the children of God than the chief magistrate of the United States. Indeed, I never have desired any office in the gift of the people. I always felt incapable of serving them well in any important office, and hence have had no desire for them. The same feeling of insufficiency to serve the Church has made me all through life very timid and backward. Whilst I remember and know that our sufficiency is of God, my nature has seemed to forbid me to trust. Hence the conflicts and slowness to believe what I knew must really be so. 

There is, to my mind, a great mystery in this that whilst we know that salvation is of the Lord, we are constantly looking for something in ourselves to recommend us to God, and can scarcely understand how a helpless Sinner can be saved when they are the only ones that can be saved. Just have nothing to be saved from. Just so it has been with me in reference to preaching the gospel. While I know that the Lord must fill my mouth if it is profitable to His redeemed, I am always wanting something on hand to say for fear. He will not give it to me when a time comes, but I think this all comes from that evil heart of unbelief and that doubt that remains in my own mind as to whether the Lord has required this at my hands. I have never felt. To sense your poor old Jonah's much for trying to get away. I guess he was honest and conscientious and yet in what he did and needed that much more experience to prepare him to pay his vows, in short. I will say that the subject of our prayer and praise to God has been to me. A very solemn subject and I have had a great struggle with myself both in commencing the work and keeping it up. I have spent many sleepless hours and sweated many big drops and yet self seems uppermost in the very best of my performances. I know that unless obedience is in the heart, the act is but mere mockery in the sight of God.

July 19th, 1884.

On the 17th of this month, the good Lord gave us the care of a very promising little boy for a while. We know not how long this is the second child of my second wife. Since the last writing in this book, I have made many conflicts, many dark hours, and some very bright and pleasant ones. The mercy of the Lord still endures, and my unworthiness is still the same. The brethren seemed to understand what I mean to say, and do not expect anything of me only as the good master above is pleased to grant them through me. If he opens, no man can shut, and truly, if he shuts, no man can open. The Lord is good to them that put their trust in him, but alas, man is so prone to her.

At present, there are eight regular appointments for me to meet each month. To preach as the Lord may enable me. And it is a blessing to me that no more is expected of me by the brethren than what he is pleased to give. It is always a blessed privilege for me to deliver a message if I can feel that it comes from the Lord. Otherwise, it is a hard, laborious task. The engagement in spiritual things, if indeed that engagement is mine, is more in feeling the power of the Spirit in my own soul than anything else. The company of the Saints is very precious at such times, but sometimes the flesh so shuts out the light. That I prefer to be alone. Since the last writing, I have accepted the call of the Salem Church of Philadelphia, PA to meet with them every 5th Sunday or four times a year.

July 27th, 1888.

There has nothing of special note occurred since the last writing. I am still serving the four churches at stated times, which such ability as the good Lord is pleased to give me. And in them, there is ingathering. We believe according to God is pleased to constrain by His almighty power.

September 20th, 1889.

Many days have passed since I wrote in this book. Very much of the time has been spent in solitary idleness, seemingly for want of ambition. The congregations and churches I am serving have kept up their usual interest. There have been occasional additions to them, the one in Philadelphia that I see the least of manifesting, the most zeal of any, and having the most additions to their numbers, assuring me more and more that the good master above is adding to the church daily. Such as shall be saved. That it does not in any sense depend on my feeble efforts.

Joseph L Staton